Reactions to "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior"

Since we're hoping to enter the realm of parenthood later this year, I've been following the various links and comments across Facebook on Why Chinese Mothers are Superior. As an Asian, an American, and also a Christian, there's an interesting confluence and clash of values, goals, and styles showing up. Some of my own brief reactions and thoughts on the article, and the numerous followup articles springing up all over the web...

• First, thanks to Andrew N and Andrew W for posting this comment thread that includes an email reply from the author, Amy Chua, to an upset reader, pointing out that she did not choose the title of the WSJ article excerpt, and that the excerpt is not necessarily indicative of the content of the book it is promoting.  So, no need to demonize the author as this is all a (very successful!) marketing stunt.  Still, a good topic to consider.
• Things that most everyone seem to agree on as good goals and principles for successful parenting of one's children:
• Development of a strong work ethic, delayed gratification, and other good habits (quote: "Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America.").
• Equip them to be able to be independent and self-supporting as adults.
• Discipline and tough love are often needed to teach/direct children to what is best for them and their future because they can't see it themselves.
• However, the various articles linked above are filled with testimonies of the damage that can be inflicted by the extreme aspects (in particular, insults, belittling, unreasonably high standards, and lack of praise/satisfaction) of the "Chinese" parenting style mentioned in the article:
• Chinese women have one of the highest rates of suicide and depression.
• Products of this childhood often include high achievers and materially successful adults who hate their parents.
• Personally, while I grew up with parents who helped set high goals for my brother and I, they generally did not resort to insults and belittling as motivators.  Because of this, I never doubted my parents' love and trusted that they knew what was best for me.  I would try to work hard to delight them because I wanted to.  I hope to model that for my kids too.  Some of the things they did that I can remember:
• Spending a lot of time patiently, firmly, but kindly teaching and working with me on things until I "got it".
• Praising effort as well as success - something that I think may be relatively unusual about my family.
• I'd like to believe that the "strengths-based" literature that has been gaining popularity in the business world over the last two decades or so can be applied to parenting as well.  After the development of good habits and character (honesty, integrity), it seems to make sense that since each person has innate natural gifts and talents, after getting to a "competent" level in other areas, it is more worthwhile to hone and develop these natural gifts and talents rather than spending an inordinate amount of time becoming "Excellent" in everything.  As several people have pointed out, academic excellence can lead to good doctors, lawyers, and engineers, but doesn't develop leaders and innovators.
• This means that at some point in the kid's development, in addition to character and work ethic development, we need some way of identifying gifts and talents to develop... which seems like the freedom, and perhaps the motivation, to experiment is needed.
• Brian L pointed out, and I agree, that another aspect of parenting I'd aspire to based on my own experience is helping my kid to avoid regrets later in life, because as adults with more experience, we can see and give personal testimony to things we wish we'd have done differently.  Two personal examples:
• I didn't necessarily enjoy piano growing up, but it did give me a solid background and foundation in music that has helped nurture a great love and appreciation for many different types of music and instruments today. In the long view, I'm grateful that my parents introduced me to it.
• I wish I'd have made more of an effort to learn Mandarin when I had more opportunity and more ability to do so, and I'll probably make that known to my kids.  Incidentally, it seems that while learning a language similar to English (like Spanish or French) is do-able in high school, learning an entirely different language like Mandarin is best undertaken either when very young when the brain is still developing, or intensively in college when there is greater desire.
• Finally, as a Christian, it is sobering to consider that my relationship with my kids will likely be the biggest influence on their view of their relationship with God.  Judging by the comments and testimonies I've seen from Asian American Christian friends on this topic, many of us are still saddled with baggage from our pasts with overbearing parents and with Asian churches who seem to espouse similar values of conditional love based on obedience and success.  
• How can we avoid this?  I agree with Byron that one thing to be conscious of is that insults, berating, belittling, shame, etc. as motivation might be effective motivators, but at the cost of relationship.  That being said, given human nature, I think it's almost unavoidable that at one point or another, the patience of a parent will give way to these things.  In that case, it's equally as important to be able to apologize to our children and ask forgiveness, and not just assume that the ends justify the means.
• All in all, I hope and aspire that the unconditional love, acceptance, and approval that is available to me through Christ can be the foundation for all my relationships, especially with my children - and that the unconditional love they receive from their heavenly and earthly fathers can be the foundation for their lives as well.