Been a long day and the posts I have in mind to write will take a bit more time to develop, so here's today's fun/humorous link for the day: A Church By Any Other Name. As new churches have sprung up in the last 15-20 years, trying to differentiate has become harder and harder, leading to more and more creative names. Since I recognize a lot of these names, this was a fun read, and something to not take too seriously, as the author poked equal-opportunity fun at how some of the names could be interpreted. Some of my favorites:
3. Radiance (Where the female vocalists all glitter like Mariah Carey.)
4. Elevation (U2 songs every bloody Sunday.)
8. enCompass (Wii th-|-nk [outside] the box. We R crAtiVe.)
9. Epiphany Station (Next stop, Conjunction Junction!)
14. The Rock (If film producer Michael Bay ever created a church…the pyrotechnics are amazing.)
30. Tapestry (Our pastor really loves that “the threads don’t make sense until you turn the cloth over” illustration.)
37. Warehouse 180 (If we can’t grow a church we’ll start a nightclub.)
46. The Well (The un-well best worship elsewhere.)
47. Jacob’s Well (Where bachelors hang out to find their future wives.)
51. Mercy Street (Where Sesame Street characters go for rehab. Cookie Monster has checked in 7 times.)
63. The Upper Room (Where we cling to our guns and religion and hide from the authorities.)
70. The Pursuit (Speed dating every Wednesday at 10 p.m.)
76. Compass (Our sermons have four points.)
84. Scum of The Earth (Finally some honesty in advertising.)
89. Overflow Church (For those who couldn't find a seat at the megachurch down the street.)
94. WestPoint (Praise the Lord. Pass the ammunition.)
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sigh
Not that I wasn't already dreading hitting the big 3-0 this year... but I guess I can't run from it, considering what I just got in my mailbox (emphases mine):
Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's time for my medication and then some bingo.
AARP MEMBERSHIP - Enroll today!
Benefits include access to:
- Travel discounts
- Prescription discounts
- Insurance programs
- Retirement planning
- Legal assistance
At AARP, we work on the issues that matter to you. Get the latest information on Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, economic security, health care and health insurance. Our goal is to deliver value to our members through information, advocacy and service.
Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's time for my medication and then some bingo.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
On napping and 24
Useful sleep info
As I've gotten to know more people, I've come to realize that I've been blessed with a pretty good "sleep biology." I fall asleep easily, I'm not overly sensitive to noise, I'm not such a deep sleeper that I miss alarms, and I can sleep most anywhere. I generally avoid naps, however, unless I happen to be in the car or a moving vehicle of some sort (I sometimes snatch a 20 minute nap on the train ride back from work).
According to the MetroNaps website (which supplies special corporate sleeping pods for our tech support people working at odd hours and weekends), there are a few interesting facts and tips with regard to naps and sleeping:
- your body's natural rhythm will dip between 6-8 hrs after waking, which can be counteracted with a 20 minute power nap. For most engineers, this would correspond to around the 2-4 pm timeframe... which I guess is when food coma hits post-lunch
- to avoid grogginess, nap less than 30 minutes, or 1.5-2 hrs to make sure you don't interrupt a sleep cycle
- to avoid jetlag flying east, sleep on the plane, arrive in the morning, eat a substantial healthy breakfast, and stay up all day
- to avoid jetlag flying west, avoid sleep on the plane, arrive in the evening, eat dinner, and go to sleep early
Springtime TV in jeopardy
On a completely different note, the writers' strike in Hollywood has postponed "24" indefinitely and Lost only has scripts for around 8 episodes ready. Will the absence of serialized dramas lead to a ton more reality shows on TV? I guess I'll just stick to the NBA. The Warriors can't lose every game this season. The Celtics look awesome, and the Spurs haven't gotten off to their usual slow start. Side note, not playing fantasy hoops means that I'm not reading box scores daily for the first time in 7-8 years. It's actually kinda freeing.
For the folks who are bracing for 24 withdrawal (although with last season's craptacular plotline, there probably aren't too many), here's an amusingly hilarious spoof from collegehumor.com - "24" set in the year 1994:
The early 90's era references I could spot:
- Kiefer's long hair grunge-style
- pager/pay phone
- huge wireless phone
- dot matrix printer
- lycos
- floppy disks
- AOL/hourly internet
- Nancy Kerrigan
- modem
- dropped internet from the phone pickup
- VHS
- film photography
- Windows 3.1 system clock
- Prodigy
- geocities
As I've gotten to know more people, I've come to realize that I've been blessed with a pretty good "sleep biology." I fall asleep easily, I'm not overly sensitive to noise, I'm not such a deep sleeper that I miss alarms, and I can sleep most anywhere. I generally avoid naps, however, unless I happen to be in the car or a moving vehicle of some sort (I sometimes snatch a 20 minute nap on the train ride back from work).
According to the MetroNaps website (which supplies special corporate sleeping pods for our tech support people working at odd hours and weekends), there are a few interesting facts and tips with regard to naps and sleeping:
- your body's natural rhythm will dip between 6-8 hrs after waking, which can be counteracted with a 20 minute power nap. For most engineers, this would correspond to around the 2-4 pm timeframe... which I guess is when food coma hits post-lunch
- to avoid grogginess, nap less than 30 minutes, or 1.5-2 hrs to make sure you don't interrupt a sleep cycle
- to avoid jetlag flying east, sleep on the plane, arrive in the morning, eat a substantial healthy breakfast, and stay up all day
- to avoid jetlag flying west, avoid sleep on the plane, arrive in the evening, eat dinner, and go to sleep early
Springtime TV in jeopardy
On a completely different note, the writers' strike in Hollywood has postponed "24" indefinitely and Lost only has scripts for around 8 episodes ready. Will the absence of serialized dramas lead to a ton more reality shows on TV? I guess I'll just stick to the NBA. The Warriors can't lose every game this season. The Celtics look awesome, and the Spurs haven't gotten off to their usual slow start. Side note, not playing fantasy hoops means that I'm not reading box scores daily for the first time in 7-8 years. It's actually kinda freeing.
For the folks who are bracing for 24 withdrawal (although with last season's craptacular plotline, there probably aren't too many), here's an amusingly hilarious spoof from collegehumor.com - "24" set in the year 1994:
The early 90's era references I could spot:
- Kiefer's long hair grunge-style
- pager/pay phone
- huge wireless phone
- dot matrix printer
- lycos
- floppy disks
- AOL/hourly internet
- Nancy Kerrigan
- modem
- dropped internet from the phone pickup
- VHS
- film photography
- Windows 3.1 system clock
- Prodigy
- geocities
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Links
Left-brained or right-brained?
This study has been making the rounds on the internets. For me, I've seen the girl go around clockwise exactly twice in the last two days; every other time has been counter-clockwise.
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking
Late-night comedy shows presume guilt rather than innocence
This interesting editorial is written by a former writer for Jay Leno, who basically had a crisis of conscience upon leaving the show, realizing the impact that the jokes he was writing was making - specifically, how every arrest, every crime that was made fun of, assumed guilt on the part of the suspected parties rather than innocence.
The writer makes a good point in that the way we intake media will often dictate what we believe... heck, I've gotten a lot of pop culture knowledge (plot points from the Godfather trilogy, or the Shining, for example) from "Simpsons" spoofs; I shudder to think what people will believe about more important things when it's being spouted by the supposed heroes of late night entertainment.
Churches making a real impact in the community
One of my favorite bloggers, Shaun Groves, has a real heart for seeing God work within the community, the poor, and for social justice. Here he describes a joint program by the churches in a city called St. Joseph's that paints a wonderful picture of one type of impact Jesus intended for the church:
Life-size X-wing
Oh my... there are greater Star Wars nerds out there than me. They built a 1/2-scale X-wing out of wood and attached rockets to it to determine whether it was aerodynamic. Witness the results here... and then one guy's take on what really happened here.
This study has been making the rounds on the internets. For me, I've seen the girl go around clockwise exactly twice in the last two days; every other time has been counter-clockwise.
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking
Late-night comedy shows presume guilt rather than innocence
This interesting editorial is written by a former writer for Jay Leno, who basically had a crisis of conscience upon leaving the show, realizing the impact that the jokes he was writing was making - specifically, how every arrest, every crime that was made fun of, assumed guilt on the part of the suspected parties rather than innocence.
According to some recent studies, many Americans between 18 and 29 get some of their information about presidential elections from late-night shows. So isn't it a fair assumption that the shows can also influence the hearts and minds of Americans in other matters?
...
Much like a hangman, a "Tonight Show" writer must recognize that as a well-paid jury-pool-tainter, your charge is to not question guilt. You're paid for performing a task, period. The job description doesn't allow asking if the targets deserve the ribbing. Not until I left the payroll did I begin to feel otherwise.
There were a few exceptions, the most notable of which involved Jewell, the former security guard who recently died. Early on, I suspected that he hadn't planted any bomb at a concert at the park during the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Officials released a recorded phone threat from the person they believed culpable, and it didn't sound like Jewell. In TV interviews before being linked to the bombing, in which one person was killed and more than 100 injured, Jewell came across as an earnest man enjoying the attention.
I told Leno of my concerns, but the jokes about "Doofus Dick" Jewell continued unabated. It was an unprecedented nightly bashing of a non-public figure, and it was unfair and excessive. The FBI eventually cleared Jewell and praised him as a hero for quickly evacuating people near the bomb.
The writer makes a good point in that the way we intake media will often dictate what we believe... heck, I've gotten a lot of pop culture knowledge (plot points from the Godfather trilogy, or the Shining, for example) from "Simpsons" spoofs; I shudder to think what people will believe about more important things when it's being spouted by the supposed heroes of late night entertainment.
Churches making a real impact in the community
One of my favorite bloggers, Shaun Groves, has a real heart for seeing God work within the community, the poor, and for social justice. Here he describes a joint program by the churches in a city called St. Joseph's that paints a wonderful picture of one type of impact Jesus intended for the church:
The more than twenty churches involved, worked together, canceled their church services this past weekend and met across the city to worship God by serving their neighbors. They painted, fed, swept, organized, built and much more - worshiping with their work.
Then also took up an offering and gave it to organizations in their community that are doing God’s will on earth as it’s done in heaven - organizations like a crisis pregnancy center. The large check the center received will go toward training staff to use a sonogram machine, because 90% of mothers who see her their child on that little screen will not abort them. That’s doing something about abortion, not just voting against it.
I’m hopeful that St.Joseph woke up this morning, the weekend behind them, and kept the service going in their neighborhood, schools and offices. I’m hopeful that T.V.s will be turned off and neighbors will be met, empty church space will be converted into clinics and food pantries and job training facilities, and every boss and employee will see opportunities to repair what’s broken around them everyday.
This should give every critic of the American Church hope. This kind of thing happens. It’s rare but it happens. And when it does it’s inspiring.
Life-size X-wing
Oh my... there are greater Star Wars nerds out there than me. They built a 1/2-scale X-wing out of wood and attached rockets to it to determine whether it was aerodynamic. Witness the results here... and then one guy's take on what really happened here.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Ever wanted to have blood coming out of your ears and eyes?
Watch this video.
It's one of those that gets better with every viewing.
It's one of those that gets better with every viewing.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Simpsons
Over the last 15 years or so, the comedic material that has most shaped my sense of humor includes Friends, Seinfeld, and Calvin & Hobbes. Perhaps the most consistent source of laughs and quotes, however, has been The Simpsons. I'm still amazed that the show is still going, nearly 20 years after its inception - I've been watching it longer than most of today's high schoolers have been alive. Although it isn't as funny in recent seasons as it was in the first half of its lifetime, the recently released movie has a pretty good mix of the highbrow and lowbrow humor that characterized the early seasons. Even though the movie played like an extended episode, there are still plenty of quotes that I'll be adding to my lexicon. For example (mouse over to read):
Homer Simpson: [after being trapped in the dome] D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHME!
Montgomery Burns: Smithers... I've never believed in suicide, but... it might cheer me up to watch you do it.
EPA Official: You've gone mad with power!
Russ Cargill: Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!
Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / cause he's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*.
Bart Simpson: [crying of embarrassment, seen naked] This is the worst day of my life!
Homer Simpson: The worst day of your life *so far*.
Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry.
Marge Simpson: You're a woman. Just hold on to it forever.
And, just for kicks, some of my favorite quotes from the series itself (culled from this list and this comprehensive site:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. (used in my sermon)
Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.
Trent: [walking up] The man knows what he likes.
Homer: Just taking care of business.
Trent: If you don't, who will, huh? Trent Steele.
Homer: Homer Si ... uh, Max Power.
Trent: Oh, hey! Great name!
Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer.
Trent: [laughs] I like a man who can poke fun at himself. [looks at his watch] Ooh, hey, my one o'clock cancelled. Eh, you had any lunch?
Homer: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
Trent: So where to eat? You like Thai?
Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?
Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...
Bart: Go orange!
Nelson: Go grapefruit!
Ralph: Go Banana!
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"
Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...
Homer at the post office trying to steal Burns’ mail whilst wearing a moustache (and possibly a monocle i don’t recall)
Homer: Hello there, my name is Mr. Burns, i believe you have a letter for me?
Post Office Guy: Okay Mr. Burns, what is your first name?
Homer: I... don’t know
Rod Flanders: Lies make Baby Jesus cry.
Homer: “Mmmmm….Pistol Whip.”
Flanders: Feels like I'm wearing... nothing at all! Nothing at all! NOTHING AT ALL!
Homer: Argh, stupid sexy Flanders!
Ralph: So the doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I could just keep my finger out of there.
Willie: Bonjourrrrr, yah cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!
Homer: Save me, Jeebus!
Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
Sideshow Bob: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!
Homer Simpson: [after being trapped in the dome] D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHME!
Montgomery Burns: Smithers... I've never believed in suicide, but... it might cheer me up to watch you do it.
EPA Official: You've gone mad with power!
Russ Cargill: Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!
Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / cause he's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*.
Bart Simpson: [crying of embarrassment, seen naked] This is the worst day of my life!
Homer Simpson: The worst day of your life *so far*.
Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry.
Marge Simpson: You're a woman. Just hold on to it forever.
And, just for kicks, some of my favorite quotes from the series itself (culled from this list and this comprehensive site:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. (used in my sermon)
Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.
Trent: [walking up] The man knows what he likes.
Homer: Just taking care of business.
Trent: If you don't, who will, huh? Trent Steele.
Homer: Homer Si ... uh, Max Power.
Trent: Oh, hey! Great name!
Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer.
Trent: [laughs] I like a man who can poke fun at himself. [looks at his watch] Ooh, hey, my one o'clock cancelled. Eh, you had any lunch?
Homer: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
Trent: So where to eat? You like Thai?
Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?
Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...
Bart: Go orange!
Nelson: Go grapefruit!
Ralph: Go Banana!
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"
Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...
Homer at the post office trying to steal Burns’ mail whilst wearing a moustache (and possibly a monocle i don’t recall)
Homer: Hello there, my name is Mr. Burns, i believe you have a letter for me?
Post Office Guy: Okay Mr. Burns, what is your first name?
Homer: I... don’t know
Rod Flanders: Lies make Baby Jesus cry.
Homer: “Mmmmm….Pistol Whip.”
Flanders: Feels like I'm wearing... nothing at all! Nothing at all! NOTHING AT ALL!
Homer: Argh, stupid sexy Flanders!
Ralph: So the doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I could just keep my finger out of there.
Willie: Bonjourrrrr, yah cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!
Homer: Save me, Jeebus!
Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
Sideshow Bob: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Weekend entertainment
Weather's getting hotter. Shally, Hanlin, and I met up with a few other folks from GRX this morning to cook and assemble burgers for some of the poor at CityTeam Ministries, and by the time we were done the mercury had risen to the high 80s/low 90s. I kinda miss the good old days of 60 degree weather.
Things that made me laugh (or at least chuckle, or shake my head ruefully) this week:
Smartest message board thread ever:
# Think Terry, Harris, Buchner and company will try to get us to lose our cool? - MotownLefty1
* Did the sun rise today? - Pacer Playoff Ambitions - Murphleavy'd
o Nope... the Earth just rotated to where we can see it - SCbay49
+ Ouch, he just got Galileowned - Shallow Hal
# Copernicussed out - Ben
Message needed for geeks and internet addicts everywhere (read closely)
The Chinese are taking over the world - from Hanlin
Life lesson
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Haloid
Fun video pitting the Master Chief from Halo against Samus from Metroid... with some artistic interpretation built in:
I believe
Finally, I'll be heading up to the Coliseum tomorrow night to watch the Warriors take on the Mavericks in game 4. I doubt we'll be sitting for very long or be silent for a long duration of time. Go W's!
Things that made me laugh (or at least chuckle, or shake my head ruefully) this week:
Smartest message board thread ever:
# Think Terry, Harris, Buchner and company will try to get us to lose our cool? - MotownLefty1
* Did the sun rise today? - Pacer Playoff Ambitions - Murphleavy'd
o Nope... the Earth just rotated to where we can see it - SCbay49
+ Ouch, he just got Galileowned - Shallow Hal
# Copernicussed out - Ben
Message needed for geeks and internet addicts everywhere (read closely)
The Chinese are taking over the world - from Hanlin
Life lesson
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Haloid
Fun video pitting the Master Chief from Halo against Samus from Metroid... with some artistic interpretation built in:
I believe
Finally, I'll be heading up to the Coliseum tomorrow night to watch the Warriors take on the Mavericks in game 4. I doubt we'll be sitting for very long or be silent for a long duration of time. Go W's!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Wednesday funnies - the sequel
Following in the tradition of the previous Wednesday funnies post, a few more laughs to get you over the hump and into the latter half of the week:
They didn't study
Culled from around the web...
Look what a college education can get you
This is why I'm not big on beaches
(Note: Yes, this is a real picture. But it is misleading - the silhouette is actually a bottlenose dolphin).
They didn't study
Culled from around the web...
Look what a college education can get you
This is why I'm not big on beaches
(Note: Yes, this is a real picture. But it is misleading - the silhouette is actually a bottlenose dolphin).
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Best. Commercial. Ever.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Tokyo 2007 recap part 1a - FAQ addendum
What's that on your face?
I have a bit of a mustache and beard going since I mostly didn't shave since I left, so it's about 2 weeks' worth right now. I was fully intending on shaving it all off once I got back, but the amusement from seeing people alternately crack up, stroke their chins, etc. got the best of me. Haven't decided on what I'm going to do with it yet although I have an idea. For those of you who have seen it, you can vote:
a) continue growing them out?
b) shave just the mustache?
c) shave just the beard?
d) shave it all off?
e) (contributed by Mike P) shave just one side of my face?
If you haven't seen me yet, IM me and I'll send you a url with a pic.
I have a bit of a mustache and beard going since I mostly didn't shave since I left, so it's about 2 weeks' worth right now. I was fully intending on shaving it all off once I got back, but the amusement from seeing people alternately crack up, stroke their chins, etc. got the best of me. Haven't decided on what I'm going to do with it yet although I have an idea. For those of you who have seen it, you can vote:
a) continue growing them out?
b) shave just the mustache?
c) shave just the beard?
d) shave it all off?
e) (contributed by Mike P) shave just one side of my face?
If you haven't seen me yet, IM me and I'll send you a url with a pic.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Wednesday funnies
Couple of chuckles to get you through the middle of the week...
Now that's deadpan
Starting out this post:
Math brilliance
Caption contest
"Um... just keep reading the teleprompter, just keep reading, find razor to shave my mustache off at the commercial..."
He picked who?
Edited to add this little nugget, from Saturday's fantasy draft (only NBA hoopheads will get this one, probably):
Now that's deadpan
Starting out this post:
Like the marginal American Christians we are, we and our friends and all our marginally Christian offspring walked house to house in our neighborhood last night, paying tribute to the Prince of Darkness and all his minions. Apparently we'll do anything for candy.
Math brilliance
Caption contest
"Um... just keep reading the teleprompter, just keep reading, find razor to shave my mustache off at the commercial..."
He picked who?
Edited to add this little nugget, from Saturday's fantasy draft (only NBA hoopheads will get this one, probably):
[Team Owner A] drafts Shawne Williams (Ind)
[Blindmen] ...
[Team Owner A] oh crap
[Team Owner A] drafts Shelden Williams (Atl)
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Why English Teachers Die Young
Humor break! I've italicized my favorites:
====================
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2.. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
21. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
22. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
23. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
24. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
====================
====================
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2.. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
21. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
22. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
23. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
24. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
====================
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Hermeneutics applied to a STOP sign
While I don't condone the general stance of the site hosting this list, this is a pretty clever illustration of different types of hermeneutics, copied and pasted from here:
1. A post modernist deconstructs the sign by knocking it over with his car, and thus ends the tyranny of the north-south traffic over the east-west traffic.
2. The Marxist refuses to stop because she sees the stop sign as an instrument of class conflict, since the bourgeois use the north-south route and obstruct the proletariat moving east-west.
3. A serious and educated Catholic rolls through the intersection because he believes he cannot understand the stop sign apart from its interpretive community and tradition. Observing that the interpretive community doesn't take it too seriously, he doesn't feel obligated to take it too seriously either.
4. Average Catholics and mainline denominationalists don't bother to read the sign but will stop if the car in front does.
5. A fundamentalist, taking the text very literally, stops at the stop sign and waits for it to tell her to go.
6. A seminary educated evangelical preacher will research the meaning of "STOP" and discover that the word indicates something which prevents motion (i.e. plug for drain) or a location to leave passengers. The lesson is that STOP signs indicate clogged traffic, so it's a good place to drop riders.
7. An orthodox Jew takes routes devoid of stops to eliminate the risk of disobeying the Law.
8. A scholar from the Jesus Seminar concludes that the passage "STOP" was never uttered by Jesus, since he would not stifle peoples' progress. So, STOP is a textual insertion from stage III of the gospel tradition, when the church was first confronted by traffic in its parking lot.
9. A New Testament scholar notices that there is no stop sign on Mark street but there is one on Matthew and Luke streets, and concludes that the ones on Luke and Matthew streets are both copied from a sign on a street no one has ever seen called "Q" street. Extensive research has been done on the differences between stop signs on Matthew and Luke streets, but nothing to explain the meaning of the text.
10. An Old Testament scholar points out that there are a number of stylistic differences between the first and second half of the STOP. The "ST" contains no enclosed areas and five line endings, whereas "OP" contains two enclosed areas and only one line termination. He concludes that the author for the second part is different from the author on the first part and probably lived hundreds of years later. Other scholars determine that the second half is itself actually written by two separate authors because of similar stylistic differences between the "O" and the "P."
11. Another OT scholar notes that the stop sign would fit better into the context three streets back, having been moved to its present location by a later redactor. He thus exegetes the intersection as though the sign were not there.
12. Yet another OT scholar amends the text, changing the "T" to "H". The resulting SHOP is much easier to understand in context than "STOP" because of the multiplicity of stores in the area. The textual corruption is easily explained as a form geschichte alteration. Thus, the sign announces the existence of a shopping area. If this is true, it could indicate that both meanings are valid, thus making the message "STOP & SHOP."
13. A "prophetic" preacher notices that the square root of the sum of the numeric representations of the letters S-T-O-P (sigma-tau-omicron-pi in Greek), multiplied by 40 (the number of testing), and divided by 4 (the four corners) equals 666, the dreaded "mark of the beast." All STOPS are therefore satanic.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Priceless
Found this off the Golden State Warriors message board. Hilarious, although it must hurt for all the USC fans out there...
I'll post some serious stuff soon :-).
I'll post some serious stuff soon :-).
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