On compassion and jusice

Thought-provoking quote on the difference between compassion and justice from David Crowder's interview with Christianity Today:

Do you worry that popular culture sometimes presents a social cause as a popular trend to ride?

Crowder: That's another difficult thing about this move for social change with so many people's involvement—immediately I get cynical. Down the road, when you see all the marketing dollars spent in the (RED) campaign and other programs, callousness starts to build up. When American Idol goes to Africa to raise awareness, it raises red flags for some of us, [though good is still accomplished].

It's important to remember that there is a big difference between compassion and justice. Compassion would be like seeing someone drowning in a river and automatically you grab that person and save him. But as you stand there, you see more and more people coming down the river drowning and you just keep pulling them out. Justice is when a person goes up the river to find the source of problem, to find out why these people are in the river in the first place. They take what they see in front of them—people drowning in the river—and their feet start moving. They acquire knowledge in process, and move from compassion to justice. We still need people downstream pulling people out, but we also need someone to get to the source of things too.

Woohoo!

Congratulations to my bro David and my buddy Danny for passing the bar exam!

Quick takes:

Kick off Flay or Cora and make Besh an Iron Chef alongside Symon and Morimoto. Why oh why did they ditch Batali?

Leading worship this Sunday, haven't played guitar in a long time... I can feel the skin peeling from my left fingertips with every tap of the keyboard.

Thinking of utilizing a coupon I got from a coworker to buy a nicer outer jacket to layer over my clothes during the wintertime. Which of the following is the best: number 1, number 2, or number 3?

An interesting thread on the Warriors off-topic message board I lurk on talks about how much chain restaurants and stores leach the personality out of a particular area. I'd agree... given the choice between going to Baja Fresh, Chili's, and Panda Express, I'd much rather live in an area with La Bamba/Mi Pueblo, Uncle Frank's BBQ, and the wealth of hole-in-the-wall Chinese places on Castro or Ranch 99. I guess the sometimes less-than-sanitary conditions of holes-in-the-wall don't bother me like they do some people, and it just seems like the chains are very... sterile.

Finally, check out perhaps the highlight of Cal's miserable football season - the totally awesome halftime show the band performed with music and scenes from Mario, Tetris, and other video games. Keep in mind that the images are upside down as the video was taken from the other side of the field.

On napping and 24

Useful sleep info

As I've gotten to know more people, I've come to realize that I've been blessed with a pretty good "sleep biology." I fall asleep easily, I'm not overly sensitive to noise, I'm not such a deep sleeper that I miss alarms, and I can sleep most anywhere. I generally avoid naps, however, unless I happen to be in the car or a moving vehicle of some sort (I sometimes snatch a 20 minute nap on the train ride back from work).

According to the MetroNaps website (which supplies special corporate sleeping pods for our tech support people working at odd hours and weekends), there are a few interesting facts and tips with regard to naps and sleeping:

- your body's natural rhythm will dip between 6-8 hrs after waking, which can be counteracted with a 20 minute power nap. For most engineers, this would correspond to around the 2-4 pm timeframe... which I guess is when food coma hits post-lunch
- to avoid grogginess, nap less than 30 minutes, or 1.5-2 hrs to make sure you don't interrupt a sleep cycle
- to avoid jetlag flying east, sleep on the plane, arrive in the morning, eat a substantial healthy breakfast, and stay up all day
- to avoid jetlag flying west, avoid sleep on the plane, arrive in the evening, eat dinner, and go to sleep early

Springtime TV in jeopardy

On a completely different note, the writers' strike in Hollywood has postponed "24" indefinitely and Lost only has scripts for around 8 episodes ready. Will the absence of serialized dramas lead to a ton more reality shows on TV? I guess I'll just stick to the NBA. The Warriors can't lose every game this season. The Celtics look awesome, and the Spurs haven't gotten off to their usual slow start. Side note, not playing fantasy hoops means that I'm not reading box scores daily for the first time in 7-8 years. It's actually kinda freeing.

For the folks who are bracing for 24 withdrawal (although with last season's craptacular plotline, there probably aren't too many), here's an amusingly hilarious spoof from collegehumor.com - "24" set in the year 1994:



The early 90's era references I could spot:
- Kiefer's long hair grunge-style
- pager/pay phone
- huge wireless phone
- dot matrix printer
- lycos
- floppy disks
- AOL/hourly internet
- Nancy Kerrigan
- modem
- dropped internet from the phone pickup
- VHS
- film photography
- Windows 3.1 system clock
- Prodigy
- geocities

More interesting links

The 16 Greatest Moments in Web History and The 13 Most Embarrassing Moments in Web History
Things I learned from these articles include:
- The "Yahoo" name is an acronym for "Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle".
- The first item sold on eBay was a broken laser pointer that went for $14.83. Broken.
- Oddpost was the webmail company that springboarded people's use of AJAX and Ruby on Rails to give an application-like feel in a browser.
- Amazon's first headquarters was a garage in Washington with 3 SPARC workstations and a bell that would ring with every sale.
- CNN has pre-prepared obituaries of many public figures ready to go for its website - in 2001 it was discovered that these were publicly accessible.
- A Florida cop blew off his own toe at a gun safety demonstration at an elementary school in 2004, after saying "I'm the only one in the room that I know of that's professional enough to carry a Glock .40."

Children detach from the natural world as they explore the virtual one
Outdoor activity for children is decreasing greatly. Some theories and possible explanations for this include:
- video games, television, internet, cell phones (6.5 hrs/day on electronic media for kids 8-18)
- more pressure on kids in this day and age academically - "5 times as much" homework as there was 30 years ago
- wilderness not taught in school (kids think of it as "a big open space with nothing to do")

The story reminds me of the many Calvin and Hobbes comics about playing outside and how that seemed to strike a chord with a lot of people from my generation. I'm also reminded of my coworker who told me that his parents allowed him and his siblings 1 hr of TV/video game time per day when he was growing up.

I'd want my kids to get out of the house and play... sports, exploring, parks, etc. It seems that with the growing tech-savviness of the current generations, that may get progressively harder and harder as youth communities become more and more found online.

Underdog story

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. - Proverbs 15:4

You've got remarkable, world-class talent hidden inside. You've even paid your own way to take lessons from the world masters, and they thought you weren't bad. But years of people bullying you when you were younger, and an unfortunately timed accident a few years ago derailed your dreams of doing what you thought you were created to do... and now you're stuck selling cell phones while wrestling to muster up the confidence to give your dream one more shot.

Then you see an opportunity - an open audition for your country's popular televised talent show. You're scared witless... but something compels you to pay the registration fee and show up to your audition in front of 2000 people, a national audience, a worldwide internet audience, and 3 of the most well-known talent scouts in the world.

This is the story of Paul Potts.




As the winner of this year's "Britain's Got Talent" competition, I think this exemplifies the Biblical principle of how an encouraging word can give someone the confidence to proceed (the judge's feedback), contrasted against how discouraging words can crush (the bullying from earlier in life). Watching the first video, you can clearly tell that the judges have low expectations of Paul - I'm guessing Simon was having William Hung flashbacks. What I love though, is how over the course of the performance, you see their faces change from "critic mode" to stunned to just simply enjoying the moment. Moments like that in life are few and far between.

Makes me wonder... how many great talents have been squelched because of people who belittled them, such as parents or others? And who are the people in my life that I can help blossom through an encouraging word or two?

I'll admit, I think of myself as a crusty old fart, but this story made me well up... once. Watch it... it can put a little spring in your step for a while.

Links

Left-brained or right-brained?

This study has been making the rounds on the internets. For me, I've seen the girl go around clockwise exactly twice in the last two days; every other time has been counter-clockwise.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Late-night comedy shows presume guilt rather than innocence

This interesting editorial is written by a former writer for Jay Leno, who basically had a crisis of conscience upon leaving the show, realizing the impact that the jokes he was writing was making - specifically, how every arrest, every crime that was made fun of, assumed guilt on the part of the suspected parties rather than innocence.

According to some recent studies, many Americans between 18 and 29 get some of their information about presidential elections from late-night shows. So isn't it a fair assumption that the shows can also influence the hearts and minds of Americans in other matters?

...

Much like a hangman, a "Tonight Show" writer must recognize that as a well-paid jury-pool-tainter, your charge is to not question guilt. You're paid for performing a task, period. The job description doesn't allow asking if the targets deserve the ribbing. Not until I left the payroll did I begin to feel otherwise.

There were a few exceptions, the most notable of which involved Jewell, the former security guard who recently died. Early on, I suspected that he hadn't planted any bomb at a concert at the park during the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Officials released a recorded phone threat from the person they believed culpable, and it didn't sound like Jewell. In TV interviews before being linked to the bombing, in which one person was killed and more than 100 injured, Jewell came across as an earnest man enjoying the attention.

I told Leno of my concerns, but the jokes about "Doofus Dick" Jewell continued unabated. It was an unprecedented nightly bashing of a non-public figure, and it was unfair and excessive. The FBI eventually cleared Jewell and praised him as a hero for quickly evacuating people near the bomb.

The writer makes a good point in that the way we intake media will often dictate what we believe... heck, I've gotten a lot of pop culture knowledge (plot points from the Godfather trilogy, or the Shining, for example) from "Simpsons" spoofs; I shudder to think what people will believe about more important things when it's being spouted by the supposed heroes of late night entertainment.

Churches making a real impact in the community

One of my favorite bloggers, Shaun Groves, has a real heart for seeing God work within the community, the poor, and for social justice. Here he describes a joint program by the churches in a city called St. Joseph's that paints a wonderful picture of one type of impact Jesus intended for the church:

The more than twenty churches involved, worked together, canceled their church services this past weekend and met across the city to worship God by serving their neighbors. They painted, fed, swept, organized, built and much more - worshiping with their work.

Then also took up an offering and gave it to organizations in their community that are doing God’s will on earth as it’s done in heaven - organizations like a crisis pregnancy center. The large check the center received will go toward training staff to use a sonogram machine, because 90% of mothers who see her their child on that little screen will not abort them. That’s doing something about abortion, not just voting against it.

I’m hopeful that St.Joseph woke up this morning, the weekend behind them, and kept the service going in their neighborhood, schools and offices. I’m hopeful that T.V.s will be turned off and neighbors will be met, empty church space will be converted into clinics and food pantries and job training facilities, and every boss and employee will see opportunities to repair what’s broken around them everyday.

This should give every critic of the American Church hope. This kind of thing happens. It’s rare but it happens. And when it does it’s inspiring.

Life-size X-wing

Oh my... there are greater Star Wars nerds out there than me. They built a 1/2-scale X-wing out of wood and attached rockets to it to determine whether it was aerodynamic. Witness the results here... and then one guy's take on what really happened here.

Common People-ization of Video Games

My generation was one of the first to grow up with video games as part of day-to-day life. For the most part it was the domain of guys, who seemed more likely to pick up on the hand-eye coordination required to shoot, punch, kick, jump, and combinations thereof, on hand-held controllers with a directional pad and a few buttons. However, games like Mario, Tetris, etc. were still simple and fun enough for girls and non-gamer guys to pick up and have fun with.

As time passed, consoles got more powerful and the gaming trend became more and more complex. The original 8-bit Nintendo had 2 buttons and a directional pad - today's XBox360 or PS3 controller has 10 buttons and 2 joysticks. Many games have so much research put into them that they can effectively mimic real life - witness the vast amounts of football playbook knowledge that most Madden players now are able to apply to watching games in real life. Heck, several younger NFL players have said that they were able to get the hang of their own teams' and other teams' defenses through the video game - it's that accurate.

Now there seems to be a parallel trend developing for "common people" games - aimed at casual gamers. This hit me this past Saturday as a bunch of friends came over to celebrate Hanlin's birthday. In one room, people jammed to Guitar Hero 2, while the other had an intense atmosphere as everyone shouted instructions to people holding Wii controllers and pointing at various objects in a Brain Age game. I've had the Guitar Hero music for "Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas stuck in my head the last two days.

While puzzle games have always been a staple in social video gaming, seems like the success of DDR helped break a wall to wean people off of the thinking that video games could only be played on complex controllers with high learning curves.

Where will gaming go from here? I wouldn't be surprised to see more games and companies go away from traditional controllers for their games, a la the Wii. There's a lot of money to be had in making peripherals - the Guitar Hero guitars are $50 each. The upcoming Rock Band game, with two guitars, drum set, and microphone will cost upwards of $200 including the game. For that matter, I think there's some utility in using video games to teach - plugging in a real guitar into the game to learn how to play, for example. The electronic medium appeals to the younger generation, might as well leverage it (a la DDR showing up in PE programs around the nation to help combat childhood obesity).

There's still something to be said for the well-made, challenging, button-combo-heavy game though. Recently Chris and I have been making our way through Rainbow Six Vegas... highly recommended for anyone (mostly guys) who grew up romanticizing Special Forces soldiers.

Ever wanted to have blood coming out of your ears and eyes?

Watch this video.

It's one of those that gets better with every viewing.

My bad...

I was not asleep during the game. I'll take responsibility for this one.

See this for reference to what I'm talking about.

New digs

My first job had the most unusual working environment - being a small, 30 person company, the engineers inhabited a big wide open space without cubes. We just had tables arrayed in a square around the edges of the room, with the assorted video, ethernet, and power cables clumped in a haphazard manner in the middle. This was a fun environment that facilitated a lot of teamwork, since we could just yell questions across the room. Two of my coworkers set up a projector in the corner that would continually play movies or music videos throughout the day.

My next few jobs had more conventional cube setups. In addition, I guess getting older has made me more inclined towards privacy at the workplace, being able to be focused without getting interrupted every few minutes.

This past week, we moved into a newly renovated building as the guinea pigs for a new furniture and cube supplier for the company. The work environment is quite nice - the furniture being designed with the focus of mobility and flexibility (read: wheels on everything so you can move chairs and tables into whatever configuration you want). The bathrooms are sparkling clean, with waterless urinals and motion-sensor faucets and soap foam dispensers. The cubes can be smaller now that heavy-duty tables are no longer needed, as big, heavy cathode-ray tube monitors aren't really in favor anymore. The trays and shelves are modular and can be hooked up to where I want them to be. But perhaps the most interesting aspect of the cube is - we have a door! There's a sliding door that we can slide shut to get some privacy in order to focus, and open up when we want to have the regular interaction with the outside world. It's like a mini-office, with the exception that you can still hear what's going on with your neighbors.

Check out some pics:

Inside of the cube - notice the rolling file cabinet with a padded top that doubles as an extra chair


From the inside of the cube looking at the closed door


My cube's next to the window with this nice hangout area

Rhythm and basketball

I'm a big fan of layered drum beats and rhythms. I'm also a basketball diehard. So just for fun, here's a couple of videos that combine the two:

Nike's groundbreaking TV commercial that had everyone talking


An extended version of the commercial above


"Stomp Out Loud"



The layered mix of rhythm, with different people "playing" different beats, reminds me of this innovative Beck video from SNL:

The end of summer

The weather is getting cooler, the sun is setting earlier, the NFL is in week 4, and NBA training camps have begun. That can mean only one thing... the long lazy days of summer are drawing to a close, giving way to the brisk activity of fall.

Since 24 and Lost aren't coming back until February (late winter/early spring), that means that my entertainment time is mostly being taken up with fantasy football, getting ready for the beginning of the NBA season, and occasional episodes of Top Chef (Bravo, which is finishing up this week) and Human Weapon (History Channel). Tivo also enables us to record old Simpsons episodes again... the "24 Minutes" spoof of "24" was a hoot.

Also, having inherited Guitar Hero 2 last week from my bro, Shally and I have gotten into trading off riffs. Talking to a friend from work, it sounds like the better technique to develop is to use the index for both the green and red buttons (first 2) in order to prepare for the fingering on hard. I'm now working on the first few songs on hard mode. Once the second guitar I ordered comes in this week (thanks to Hanlin for the gift certificate to purchase it) we'll be able to do bass and guitar parts.

On to fantasy sports... after a thrilling, personal best 170-158 win in week 3 against the league favorite, my team bombed this week with only 55 points and 0 from Westbrook. McNabb is killing me. On the hoops front, after doing fantasy basketball for several years, I'll be taking a break this year... since I follow it so closely anyway, might as well free up some of the mental energy needed for the two leagues I'm usually commissioner for.

On the Warriors... it's weird having an overall sense of enthusiasm about the upcoming season. A year ago, the hopelessness of having Dunleavy and Murphy still overshadowed Nellie's return. Now, just about every bad contract has been shed from the roster (JRich, while a fan favorite, was never one of mine due to a lack of well-roundedness) and there's a good mix of veterans and young talent. Sure, injuries and lack of size are still a concern, but how great is it that everyone on the time actually likes each other?

With great power comes great responsibility

[04:19 PM] Danny: SIIIIIIIIIIIGH
[04:19 PM] Bob: problem?
[04:19 PM] Danny: the cal game
[04:19 PM] Danny: do you know what happened?
[04:20 PM] Bob: 31-24
[04:20 PM] Bob: so is that a sigh of relief?
[04:20 PM] Danny: yes
[04:20 PM] Bob: or a sigh of "why can't we do better"
[04:20 PM] Bob: we won b/c I didn't watch :)
[04:20 PM] Danny: haha
[04:21 PM] Bob: seriously
[04:21 PM] Bob: I got home at 12:40
[04:21 PM] Bob: right before kickoff
[04:21 PM] Bob: my roommate had it on
[04:21 PM] Bob: I watched them set up
[04:21 PM] Bob: and said
[04:21 PM] Bob: "since i'm watching, we're gonna fumble the kickoff"
[04:21 PM] Bob: the guy dropped the kickoff but then fell on it
[04:21 PM] Bob: my roomie looked at me and said, "that's uncanny"
[04:21 PM] Bob: I then locked myself in my room
[04:21 PM] Bob: and Tivo'ed the game
[04:22 PM] Danny: haha
[04:22 PM] Danny: that's so sad
[04:22 PM] Danny: you cant' watch any games

Box score

EDIT ADD: I realized yesterday that I took a nap from 3 pm to 4 pm on Saturday, roughly during the 4th quarter of the game when Cal took control by scoring 3 touchdowns. So now, not only do I have to ignore the game, I must be unconscious.

Inheritance

My bro is driving down to LA in the morning to get ready to begin his career on Monday, joining the workforce after many years of schooling. I saw him off tonight after an extended family dinner for the Moon Festival (first time eating hot pot in a while).

As part of the packing process, he identified some of the things he wanted to bring down, some to leave up here, and some to give away. So, I've inherited two new (to me) toys from the latter category:

- Guitar Hero 2 for PS2 w/ 1 guitar
- 30-hr Tivo w/ lifetime subscription

Anyone know where I can get a cheap PS2 guitar for 2-player action?

Thanks Dave!

Weekly links

VH1's Greatest Songs of the 1990s

I began listening to popular music in junior high and high school, although it was restricted to what was on the radio at the time - I didn't start taking my music listening more seriously until late college (after having gone through a "Christian music only! Secular music is of no value!" phase). So seeing this link brings back memories and melodies of the music (both good and bad) on the airwaves a while ago - stuff like:

- "Tennessee" from Arrested Development
- "Unbelievable" from EMF
- "My Lovin'" from En Vogue
- "Time of Your Life" from Green Day (which I actually played and sang at a company party two years ago when we got acquired)
- "MMMBop" from Hanson
- "Mama Said Knock You Out" from LL Cool J
- "Jump" from Kris Kross
- "U Can't Touch This" from MC Hammer
- "Good Vibrations" from Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (how weird is it that he's now getting Oscar nominations? And that he tried to rap?)
- "Wonderwall" from Oasis
- "Losing My Religion" from REM
- "Under the Bridge" from Red Hot Chili Peppers
- "Killing Me Softly" from the Fugees
- "Buddy Holly" from Weezer
- and many more

Check out the link for more stuff from memory lane.

Is Dirk a Leader?

One of the more interesting subplots of the NBA playoffs this past season was the stunning upset of the Dallas Mavericks by YOUR Golden State Warriors! As the reigning MVP, Dirk Nowitzki completely disappeared in the series and watched his team go down in flames. The linked article implies that this year, a focus will placed on developing Dirk as a leader.

My question - some leadership skills can be learned, but some seem innate to a person. If Dirk is in fact simply a really talented basketball player but not a leader, is it supremely important for him to become one? Does the best player on a team need to be a leader? Does the best engineer in a group need to be the leader?

I find it interesting because when Coach Avery Johnson was on the 1999 championship Spurs team, he was the unquestioned leader of the group, whereas the best players were Duncan, Robinson, and Elliott. So maybe there is something to be said for putting people into positions to succeed rather than shoehorning them into perceived positions of what they should be. On the other hand, it's often good to shore up weaknesses.

How does a Chinese sports apparel factory run?

A while ago there was a great civil rights hubbub about "sweatshops" in China producing athletic gear that was marked up several hundred percent from what the production cost. This is a great insider's look at how the factories work, among other things:

- Workers make $110 US/month for 6 day, 60 hrs/week
- Workers like factory conditions b/c of A/C and the relatively high salary of $110/month
- The products are held to a very high standard of quality and timeliness, which is why bathroom breaks are regulated

Great read.

An interview with ESPN TrueHoop's creator

As blogging becomes viable business models for information on the web, there are more and more "success" stories of people using Web 2.0 technology to do what they love to do - like write about the NBA. Some quotes from Henry Abbott:

A blog is like a book, or a college course. It's a big, ongoing endeavor. You mean you're going to drone on and on at me about something - and you're not going to be passionate about it? No, thanks. There must be some kind if higher holy calling (to borrow a phrase from Steven Rubel of Micropersuasion, one of the people I learned a lot about blogging from).

I find myself saying "TrueHoop is all about ..." and then finishing that sentence several different ways. But it's something along these lines: using the freedom afforded me by this awesome medium to make public the truthiest truth I can about the NBA. Not the bits that sell magazines. Not the bits that fit the AP style. Not the power rankings and the armchair quarterbacking. But the part where this is a bunch of humans at work, who are both way more flawed than you'd realize from watching highlights, and way more likable than you'd realize watching police reports. It's about humans.

Think you've got what it takes to be a fighter pilot?

See how long you can last. Fighter pilots are expected to last up to 2 minutes. After some tries, I got over 18 seconds.

Jumping into a Stretch with Sprouted Potatoes

Today, I took a day off to spend with family since my little bro will be headed down to LA to begin his career in financial law.

Since I take the train a few times a week, there are a few days a week where my car goes un-driven for many consecutive hours. I had a rude awakening this morning as I hopped into my car for the first time since Monday night and got no response at all from the battery. This was awfully annoying as I had just gotten my battery replaced only a few months ago due to this same issue (the charge disappearing after only 2-3 days), and has led me to believe that either I got a defective battery, or that there's an electrical disconnect somewhere in the system that causes an extremely slow leak of power. Either way, Chris came to my rescue by coming back from work and helping me jump start, which was actually my first time doing it on my own, and gave me a very small sense of satisfaction that I was able to do it without blowing up my car, Chris' car, or our respective persons.

I did yoga for the first extended time today. Both my parents have been practicing it for years and swear by it, and have been encouraging my brother and I to attend a class. After 1.5 hrs of stretching, contorting, and doing some things that seemingly aren't physiologically possible, I actually felt pretty good. And surprisingly, it's also a pretty good workout. I am definitely going to be sore tomorrow.

Since I have a chronically sore back due to basketball, I'm hoping that perhaps a more regular routine of yoga can help strengthen the core muscles to help mitigate that. Also, it appears that I've inherited from my father's side a predisposition to be unbalanced in the shoulders - my grandfather's and my father's right shoulders are both prone to droop lower than the left, and apparently that's the case for me as well. So hopefully I can bring my body back into better alignment too.

We had lunch at Santana Row at Pizza Antica, a decent European-style pizza joint. Portobello mushrooms? Underrated. They make a lot of things taste better.

Every month, the 2nd Harvest Food Bank of San Jose does a food distribution at a Latino church in SJ, and my parents and several of their friends typically volunteer. So that ended up being part of our family day - unloading boxes, packing bags of produce, and handing out the assigned amount to those who had registered for food. There's something greatly satisfying about working with your hands in order to help people out.

Back when I was on short-term missions in NYC, there was one week where we stayed at a homeless shelter and helped with food distribution. There, we became accustomed to breaking off the moldy parts of food (like bread and produce, in particular) in order to give away what was still edible. Today, I found it interesting that most of the volunteers had a lot of trouble giving away donated potatoes that had sprouts coming out of them. Can't they just be cut/peeled off?

'Twas a nonstandard day off for me, but I should do this more often.

Observations of a toddler on a train

The big brown eyes peeked over the seat back at me, then disappeared only to reappear again. I had to smile at the Hispanic toddler, probably no more than 2 years old, who occupied the seat in front of me as I took the VTA light rail to work this morning. He took an interest in my laptop bag, and I played a little bit of peek-a-boo and made some funny faces at him before returning to my customary private worship and prayer time that I usually engage in during the 25-minute ride to work.

During the ride, I observed this little boy alternate between laughing, jumping up and down on the seat, peering out the window in wonder, squirming out of his mother's arms, screaming and whining, and often switching moods within the space of a few seconds.

This led me to wonder... as babies and toddlers, we don't hide our emotions - the world knows immediately whether we are happy, sad, frustrated, pained, and so on. Is it then a mark of a maturity to learn to hide your emotions as you grow older? Or is what seems like hiding actually being able to first conceal, then process emotions in such a way as to not infringe on another's personal space?

If I were an impressionable toddler (sometimes I can be, I guess) looking to imitate what I see around me... being on the train this morning would teach me that I need to be silent and avoid everyone's eyes around me while we all make our way to our respective destinations.

I wonder if that's really how things should be.

Clearing out the backlog

For a few months now I've been struggling about what to do with this blog.

I skip a few days, put a few posts in draft mode, and eventually the queue gets into such a backed-up state that any new ideas I have for writing get pushed into an ever-growing morass that has grown into perhaps the triple digits and feels as dense as clay.

On top of that, IM and Facebook do a decent job of filling in the "social networking" aspect of being online, and with the proliferation of subject-specific and "interesting stuff" link blogs, as well as Youtube, there are more ways than ever to kill 5 minutes at a time. It's so easy to click and read, watch, or listen, and then realize that an hour has gone by.

Thing is... I started this thing 5 years ago with the purpose of being able to work out my life and to share with the world some things from my perspective. I think I've gotten sidetracked by laziness, by wanting to please my reading public... and I think I've done myself a disservice for it.

From now through the end of the year, I'm planning on having this blog reflect a bit more of me, rather than what I think you, dear reader, want to read from me. I like lots of interesting articles. I like sports and sports analysis/opinion. I like poignant thoughts gathered from various readings. I like the occasional personality quizzes. I like the occasional youtube video. And sometimes, I just want to write about what's going on.

Time to start clearing out the backlog...

The future of photography and social networking?

This video is a demo of one of the cooler technologies I've seen all year. I know George, Alex, and all the other photographers ought to be all over this:

The Simpsons

Over the last 15 years or so, the comedic material that has most shaped my sense of humor includes Friends, Seinfeld, and Calvin & Hobbes. Perhaps the most consistent source of laughs and quotes, however, has been The Simpsons. I'm still amazed that the show is still going, nearly 20 years after its inception - I've been watching it longer than most of today's high schoolers have been alive. Although it isn't as funny in recent seasons as it was in the first half of its lifetime, the recently released movie has a pretty good mix of the highbrow and lowbrow humor that characterized the early seasons. Even though the movie played like an extended episode, there are still plenty of quotes that I'll be adding to my lexicon. For example (mouse over to read):

Homer Simpson: [after being trapped in the dome] D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHME!

Montgomery Burns: Smithers... I've never believed in suicide, but... it might cheer me up to watch you do it.

EPA Official: You've gone mad with power!
Russ Cargill: Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!

Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / cause he's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!

President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*.

Bart Simpson: [crying of embarrassment, seen naked] This is the worst day of my life!
Homer Simpson: The worst day of your life *so far*.

Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry.
Marge Simpson: You're a woman. Just hold on to it forever.

And, just for kicks, some of my favorite quotes from the series itself (culled from this list and this comprehensive site:

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. (used in my sermon)

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

Burns: I suggest you leave immediately
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

Billy Corgan: "Billy Corgan, 'Smashing Pumpkins'."
Homer Simpson: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.

Trent: [walking up] The man knows what he likes.
Homer: Just taking care of business.
Trent: If you don't, who will, huh? Trent Steele.
Homer: Homer Si ... uh, Max Power.
Trent: Oh, hey! Great name!
Homer: Yeah, isn't it? I got it off a hair dryer.
Trent: [laughs] I like a man who can poke fun at himself. [looks at his watch] Ooh, hey, my one o'clock cancelled. Eh, you had any lunch?
Homer: Yeah, but I usually have three or four.
Trent: So where to eat? You like Thai?
Homer: Tie good. You like shirt?

Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T...

Bart: Go orange!
Nelson: Go grapefruit!
Ralph: Go Banana!

Audience: Boo! Boo!
Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"
Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...

Homer at the post office trying to steal Burns’ mail whilst wearing a moustache (and possibly a monocle i don’t recall)
Homer: Hello there, my name is Mr. Burns, i believe you have a letter for me?
Post Office Guy: Okay Mr. Burns, what is your first name?
Homer: I... don’t know

Rod Flanders: Lies make Baby Jesus cry.

Homer: “Mmmmm….Pistol Whip.”

Flanders: Feels like I'm wearing... nothing at all! Nothing at all! NOTHING AT ALL!
Homer: Argh, stupid sexy Flanders!

Ralph: So the doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I could just keep my finger out of there.

Willie: Bonjourrrrr, yah cheese-eatin’ surrender monkeys!

Homer: Save me, Jeebus!

Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?

Sideshow Bob: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!

Twilight

Pleasure. Pain.
Frustration. Annoyance.
Exhaustion. Fear.
Greed. Contentment.
Hurt. Heal.
Burn. Scar.
Care. Indifference. Guilt.
Regret.
Forgiveness. Bliss.
Now. Not yet.
Longing. Envy.
Despair.
Surrender. Trust.
Peace.

Bittersweet

What is it about human nature that responds so much more strongly to the bitterness of life than the sweet? For example, I expect that were I to end this post here, you, dear reader, would be left wondering what the "bitter" is that I'm referring to, rather than the "sweet".

Is it because we are more prone to experience compassion or despair, depending on the bitter, than we are to experience a shared joy in the sweet, particularly for those we care about? Or is this just me?

I took today off from work for a few reasons - the last few weeks have been particularly tough work-wise and I simply needed a break, and also to spend some long-overdue extended time in worship, reflection, and conversation with Jesus about the first half of 2007.

Looking back, there has been a fair amount of bitterness and grieving. Many regrets. Guilt. What ifs. Beating myself up for slights both imagined and real. Hurt feelings. Exhausted patience. Weariness. Sleeplessness. Heartache and joint ache.

At the same time, there has also been sweetness. Lives changing both slowly and quickly. Vulnerability and developing closeness. Teamwork. Developing awareness and understanding of myself and others. Healing. Appreciation. Awe.

Maybe this is my long-winded answer to the ubiquitous question of "How are you doing?" I've always tried to avoid the standard "Fine" because I've felt it to be somewhat dishonest when I am a living dichotomy of heaven and hell, light and dark, hurting and healing, bitter and sweet.

Ultimately, it's not about how I'm doing, but rather, it's about "I am".

I am here because each day God gives me the grace to wake up and live, the strength to sustain through all the dichotomies, and the hope that at any moment I may finish what He's called me to do and I will be taken to Him, where my soul will no longer struggle in the twilight between night and day.

It'd be nice to leave the bitter behind, but until that day I'm just going to try and trust that God is working through it all.

**********

On a sweet note, Shally and I have been in our relationship for 1 year as of today. Wow.

Congratulations are in order...

... to Alex and Cynthia and Mike and Joy who both got engaged within the same week. One couple that's been dating for a while, and the other only a short time "officially" but had a strong friendship built up beforehand over many years... 'tis great news. I'm happy for you all.

This jacket cost how much?

I was at Bloomingdale's today with Shal to return something, and on our way out the door she showed me the price tag on a rather mundane-looking Polo jacket that was on the "Sale" rack.

It cost $895.

It was marked down from its original price of $950.

People really pay this much money for fashion? It boggles my mind...

'Course, how much different is it than dropping lots of dough on electronics or other material goods, or spending inordinate amount of time and energy on things like sports or other hobbies? Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Out of curiosity, how do you differentiate between wise investment of resources and superfluous use of time/energy/money on things?

Transformers Reactions

Saw "Transformers" last night (Sunday) w/ Shal. Like most people from my generation that were weaned on the cartoon in the mid-'80s, I think our memories of the show are likely more fond than the actual quality of story - if we went back and watched the cartoons today, we'd probably be appalled at the overall cheesiness. As my ex-coworker put it, "I've placed all of my Transformer cartoon memories in a sealed box in my brain, and thrown away the key - they're precious and I'm not going to screw with them." So, I was willing to go into this new blockbuster movie with an open mind, knowing that it would most likely be a movie influenced by Transformers rather than a Transformers movie. A couple of observations, thoughts, and comments (spoiler warning, highlight over the invisible text to read):

- An All-Spark? Was that in the cartoon? I guess they had to utilize some super-important artifact as the MacGuffin that all the robots are trying to get their hands on. Read an interesting article saying that the original cartoon's resource conflict, energon cubes, was directly related to the energy shortage of the late 1970s.

- They did a nice job developing Shia Lebeouf's character, he did come across as a relatable character for the audience and relatively important to the story. Plus, he displayed a nice sense of comic timing, and there was a decent amount of non-cheesy humor written into the script.

- On the other hand, they spent a looooooong time with the American military, giving a lot of face time to folks like Jon Voight's Secretary of Defense, a couple of systems analysts, and one of Shal's favorite eye-candies, Josh Duhamel.

- I guess even Jon Turturro is entitled to slum it a bit in action flicks like this one.

- Now, the robots. The transformations looked genuinely cool - I can only imagine the computing power that was devoted to render all those moving parts in the photo-realistic way director Michael Bay was apparently demanding from the visual effects team. Plus, the transformations from vehicle mode to robot mode and back again in the midst of action sequences were pretty seamless.

- However, I wasn't as big of a fan of the looks of the robot bodies, with the exception of Optimus. Every other Transformer became too hard to identify, with all the spikes, diagonal lines, and busy designs. Being able to identify them in the midst of a hand-to-hand clash in battle was completely impossible.

- Nice in-film wink to the old fans at the beginning where the dealer tries to sell Sam and his dad an old VW Bug (Gen 1 Bumblebee) rather than the Camaro Bumblebee.

- Bumblebee isn't given a voice for most of the movie (due to a story in a prequel comic book where his voice box is ripped out by Megatron), but is able to convey enough with his loyalty to Sam and his impeccable choice of radio tunes to win over the audience. When he got captured by the agents of Sector 7, even Shally leaned over and whispered, "I really hate humans right now."

- Annoying: the Decepticon Frenzy, a spy capable of disguising itself as a boombox or cell phone, looked and sounded like a Gremlin. Reportedly, Soundwave is supposed to be in the sequel - hopefully they can pull him off.

- Also annoying: the continued references to current pop culture technology, like ebay, which will probably sound really dated within a few years.

- Improvement I'd like to see: more character development for Megatron and Starscream. They pretty much just serve as cardboard cutout super-bad-guys, but we barely get to see much of Megatron (he's frozen in stasis until the last 30 mins or so of this 2 hr, 20 min movie) and the only hint we get of their famously antagonistic relationship in the cartoon is one line from Megatron - "Starscream, you fail me again."

- On the good side, Optimus and Bumblebee are decently well-developed and look pretty good. Optimus even looks pretty authentic compared to the classic version. The other Autobots could have used character development as well; we don't really see Jazz do anything, and Ratchet is called the "medical officer" but doesn't do any fixing. But even then, the introduction of Prime and the rest of the Autobots to Sam and Mikaela is a great fanboy scene.

- The scene where Megatron rips Jazz in half drew gasps from the audience. There goes Optimus' second-in-command...

- One of my common complaints about Michael Bay action movies is the frequency of really-close up camera shots that make it impossible to determine what is going on in the fight - who is firing what weapon, who is punching what body part, etc. It's quite kinetic, but ultimately just degenerates into chaos. In my fight scenes, I like to see what's going on.

- That being said, Optimus' battle with Bonecrusher, ending with him chopping the Decepticon's head off with a blade from his arm, was probably the highlight of the closing battle.

- For some reason they didn't show very much of Megatron vs. Optimus on-screen, although hearing the quote "One shall stand, one shall fall" sent a small thrill through me.

- Things to do better in the inevitable sequel: simplify the robot models a bit so they're less busy-looking, focus more on the robots and less on the human military, keep Shia around, come up with a better plot device than the All-Spark.

- Previews: intriguing unnamed one from JJ Abrams that looks like a disaster flick from the point of view of a handheld camera, and the Simpsons movie trailer. I was cracking up all the way through the trailer, so I think they'll do a good job.

Repenting and Rejoicing - Romans 7:21-8:2

2007-07-08 Canaan message

Good morning church. I hope you were able to get some rest and relaxation during the recent 4th of July holiday, recognizing not just the freedoms we have as citizens of this country, but more so enjoying the freedoms we have access to as citizens of God's Kingdom. I'll touch on this a bit more, later in today's message.

My original plan for this message was to follow up with Pastor Dan’s message from last week about “Pressing On Towards the Goal”, stopping to evaluate how you are doing in your spiritual journey as a disciple of Christ at the halfway point of the year. To that end, I provided some questions of reflection for you in the bulletin, as well as an insert covering the various lessons taught in sermons this year, in case there are any lessons that you need to revisit. I’d encourage you to take some time and let God speak to you in your spiritual journey so far.

As I was prepping, however, I felt God leading me to go in a little bit of a different direction. I want to talk a bit today on the topic of guilt and shame. A heavy topic, I know, but this happens to be a theme that God has been working out in my life over the first half or 2007.

Our church’s theme for this year is learning how to Rest, Renew, and Revive, where the overarching goal is to see how Jesus draws us in with his invitation lay our own worldly burdens down, and to take on the yoke of discipleship to find rest for our souls. Through spiritual disciplines such as prayer, reading the Word, fellowship, fasting, service, and giving, we have avenues to live out the love relationship with God that we were designed for. Then, living out of this God-given restful spirit that is deeply embedded within us, we can experience the transforming power of God in our attitudes, in the tasks of our lives, and in our relationships.

In my own life, I’ve tried to practice this spiritual rest as often as possible this year. I’ve tried to give Jesus the first thought of each day, and to have conversations with God throughout the day at work and at home. I’ve been able to see some fruits of this – such as gaining more discernment in decisions I’ve had to make about ministry and the use of my time, and also having some opportunities to talk about this kind of personal relationship with God with some friends of mine who aren’t Christian.

However, in this experience God has also been showing me that one way I can be blocked from experiencing the fullness of this love relationship with Him that I’ve been designed for is because of shame. In a psychological study entitled “Facing Shame”, two therapists defined the difference between guilt and shame this way: "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person." To repeat – guilt a reaction to our actions, shame is a feeling about our very self.

Throughout my life as a Christian, for every wrong thing that I’ve done to another person or every sin that I’ve committed against God, I’ve internalized the feeling of guilt that would naturally arise so that it moves from being a regret for my action into a belief about the nature of who I am. I sometimes fall into the trap of believing that God couldn’t still love someone like me who fails repeatedly - or at the very least, makes up for his shortcomings by performing more spiritual activities, or serving more, or bringing more people to Christ.

Have you ever felt this way, or found yourself falling into a similar trap? Have you ever wondered why God wired human beings with the ability to feel guilt, and what purpose it could possibly serve to enable us to have a love relationship with God? Today I’d like to take a look at a few teachings from the Bible about the nature of guilt and shame, what repentance looks like, and why it is important to our ability to mature spiritually to have a right understanding of this aspect of human nature.

The first point to understand about guilt and shame is that the capacity for shame is built into every human being, but it was not originally intended that way. See Genesis 2:25 – after God creates the world, he creates man and woman. This verse says that they “were both naked, and they felt no shame.” There’s a perfect vulnerability and innocence that exists between man and woman, and between God and mankind. To illustrate this in modern terms, picture a toddler running around naked while his mortified mother runs after him with his clothes. The child has no idea that being naked is shameful, he just knows that he’s running around and having the time of his life. It is not until chapter 3 where, after the fall of man, they realize that they are naked, and they rush to try and cover up their shame with fig leaves. So since then, every person has the capacity to feel guilt due to our actions or behavior, and when we internalize that feeling to believe it about ourselves, then we have this shame to deal with.

The second point I want to make about guilt and shame is that often, we feel like we need to make some kind of restitution – we want to "pay back our offense" somehow. I'm sure you've felt it, or seen it in your parents or something - when you receive an unexpected gift or done a favor by someone else, you need to repay that person. Similarly if you screw up, it's not enough to apologize and accept forgiveness, but we feel like we need to make up for what we did. Now, don't get me wrong - in many cases it can be good and proper to try and repair the damage that we cause. However, the tragedy is that even if the offended party has forgiven us, until we make the attempt at paying it back, we don't feel like we're forgiven - we impose some kind of debt that stays with us, a debt that the forgiver doesn't want to impose on us.

For example, there was a time almost ten years ago where I was driving down to LA for a vacation with a car full of friends, while leading another car full of friends. Since I was speeding, and the other driver was trying to stay with me, when I saw the police lights flash behind me I had the double guilt of not just getting a ticket myself, but also getting my friend into trouble. Despite the fact that she promptly forgave me and forgot the incident, since mistakes happen, I ended up dwelling on that incident for the duration of the vacation, trying to think of ways to make it up, and preventing me from really being able to enjoy the vacation. On our way back up, I approached my friend to offer to pay for the ticket/driving school. She was stunned. "You're still thinking about that?" she asked. For no good reason, I had robbed myself of the enjoyment of the vacation. So again, the trap we can fall into is not being able to embrace forgiveness because we feel like our guilt or shame isn’t “paid back” in some way.

The final point I want to make about guilt and shame is the feeling that God must not want us back because of our repeated failures. Try as we might, we can’t help but see God as a kind of Cosmic Umpire who grants us only a few chances of repentance. In Luke 7:48, the story of the Jesus’ encounter with the sinful woman who anoints him with perfume, he says, “Your sins are forgiven.” In our minds, we have added the “If you sin again, though, that’s strike 2. 1 more sin after that, and I’m afraid you’re outta here!”

Those who have been in dating relationships may recognize this fear. When there is a fight, or an offense committed against one side, there will often be the accompanying anxiety that maybe this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back – that the sum total of all previous offenses, even if they are repented of, will cause the relationship to break.

Seeing repeated failures in our relationship with God can easily lead to the attitude, “What’s the point? Why keep trying? Won’t I just keep failing and acquiring more and more guilt?” As the famous American thinker Homer Simpson once said, “You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

So to reiterate, we are all built with the capacity for guilt and shame, we often feel like we need to do something about it to pay it back, and we believe that repeated failures can eventually lead to the exhaustion of God’s or another person’s patience and they will kick us out of their presence.

How do I reconcile John 10:10, Jesus' promise that those who come to him "will have life, and have it to the full", with the fact that it seems like my life is always in catch-up mode with all the busyness there is, and on top of that I either feel helpless or ashamed that I am not the Christian I should be?

The apostle Paul knew this dichotomy very well. Please turn with me to the book of Romans, chapter 7. Romans is considered by many Christians to be the most theologically-oriented books of the Bible. Here, the Apostle Paul has just spent several paragraphs writing about this very conflict – trying hard to be a Christian, but invariably failing. Let’s pick it up in verse 21:

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am!

The Apostle Paul, who might very well have been the greatest Christian in history, struggled with the same issues many of us struggle with today. No matter how hard we try, by our own strength we can’t win the battle between the mind and heart that want to follow God, and the flesh that pulls us to earthly lusts. In his proclamation, “What a wretched man I am!” it sure sounds like he’s feeling aspects of the guilt and shame I mentioned earlier as being built into every person. But moving on with verse 24…

Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. 1(but) Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Note that in the original text, there was no chapter break here. It’s apparent from context that the thoughts of chapter 7 are intended to continue into the beginning of chapter 8. Here are a few lessons that we can learn, some that I’ve gleaned from Pastor Ray Stedman of PBC and some others that I observed in the text:

First, God is not angry with the struggle that we have. He knows we will try, and sometimes fail, to manage our lives in a way that honors him; he knows that we will sometimes fall prey to temptation. However, we see here in Romans that Paul’s struggle with his sin, the guilt that he’s feeling, causes him to run to Jesus. God intends for the natural feeling of guilt and shame that is inevitably a part of every person’s life to cause us to run to him because he is the only one who can do something about it! Rather than hiding behind the fig leaves of our shame, in this love relationship that he wants with his people, he designs even guilt to be used as a way for us to return to him.

Rather than the Umpire waiting to call us out when we use up our strikes, the illustration of this struggle is more akin to that of a father watching his child take his first steps. There are many babies around Canaan now, many of whom we’ve seen learn to walk before our very eyes. Of course they’re going to be clumsy! Of course they’re going to fall and maybe bang their heads on a railing or scrape their knees! But do you see their parents running over to them and yelling at them for being dumb enough to fall? Of course not! They pick them up, dust them off, maybe kiss a scrape, encourage them, and show them how to do it right. God is not angry with our struggles and failures when we confess them and repent of them; rather, he delights in these attempts to walk because our struggles drive us to Christ for help.

Second, for anyone who has ever felt guilt or shame, verse 1 of chapter 8 may be the most beautiful words you can hear – For those who are in Christ Jesus, there is now NO CONDEMNATION. No condemnation! None! There is no rejection by God of those who are in Christ. There is nothing we can do to “pay it off” when there wasn’t any condemnation in the first place. We don’t need to fear that he will leave us, because of how bad our sin is or how often we fail, because we can remain in Christ and not be rejected by God.

Finally, we have the hope of victory – Romans 8:2 says, “Through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” One day, this struggle will be no more. So for those who are in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for our struggles today, and one day these struggles will cease as we experience the freedom of the Spirit of life setting us free from sin and death.

So how do we make sure that we are in Christ? The Bible teaches about a concept called “repentance.” Talking about repentance could easily be an entirely new message, but simply defined, this means admitting our wrong, feeling sorrow for it, and returning to the love relationship with God that we are designed for. Whether or not you already count yourself a follower of Christ, the feeling of guilt and shame that we all have can, on its own, cause us to live very narrow, dissatisfying lives marked by the fear of doing anything because we might do something wrong, lacking hope that there might be more to life than trying to avoid shame. However, as we’ve learned today, the guilt and shame of wrongdoing can, at its best, cause us to run to God and restore that relationship with him that he wants with us, and in our hearts, we want with him. God turns this seemingly destructive, universal quality of guilt into the motivator which drives us back to him.

Combining this idea of repentance with the lessons from Romans helps us address the other issues of guilt and shame. First, we don’t have to impose a debt on ourselves to act as payment for an offense against God. When we repent, we have already been forgiven. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, remember? It is a tragedy when we deny ourselves the enjoyment of God’s presence because we think we haven’t “earned it”, the truth is we haven’t earned it because we can’t - but he gives it to us because he desires this love relationship with us.

Second, we can rest assured that there is nothing we can do to make God love us more, and nothing we can do to make God love us less. As Pastor Tim Keller puts it, “We are more despicable than we ever dared believe, yet we are more loved than we ever dared hope.” We don’t have to fear strike 3 from the Cosmic Umpire when we are in Christ, because we are assured that God loves us and our destination is secure. We can venture out in the freedom to live our lives with excellence, we can fail without having to fear, and we can continue to repent and return to God with love and rejoicing - without thinking that God will run out of forgiveness to give.

Finally, we have the best blessing of all – the opportunity to experience the kingdom of God in the here and now. Brother Lawrence, in his book “Practicing the Presence of God”, wrote that as he worked and went about his daily business, he would begin by asking God to grant him the grace to continue in His presence. He would continue the conversation continually, offering all his actions to him. Periodically he would examine himself, give thanks to God for any good work done, ask for God’s pardon for any bad work or deviation from the conversation with God, and then immediately continue to enjoy God’s presence. He said, “By rising after my falls, and by frequently renewed acts of faith and love, I come to a state where it would be difficult for me not to think of God.”

We won’t have time to go into this in depth this morning, but I encourage you to find some time to go through Psalm 51, which is David’s prayer of repentance after committing multiple sins due to his adultery with Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11. I’m going to invite the worship team to come up for a few final songs of response, including singing through this Psalm. I know that history shows that by Wednesday of this week, you will probably have forgotten this message, but I pray that God might touch you during this time to be able to repent if you need – and to rejoice because he gives you the reason to.

Prayer:
Father, we thank you that you gave the life of your Son to pay the penalty of death for our wrongdoing. We thank you that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. As we continue to learn and practice what it means to rest in you and be renewed and revived by you, we pray that if we ever feel any guilt, that we would run to you and repent of our wrongdoing. Then we will be able to rejoice in you, the God who loves us and welcomes us back each time. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Prayer request

I'll be giving the message in Sunday service this week. I'd appreciate prayer for the preparation process, nerves, and focus on conveying what God wants to say rather than what I want to say. Thanks!

I'll probably copy and paste the sermon in its entirety here, after Sunday, for any feedback and suggestions for improvement.

Book Tag

Got tagged by Maria a long time ago, and I've got a few moments of not-work and before-commute-home, so...

One book...

that is changing your life: Other than the Bible, I'll say Now Discover Your Strengths (Buckingham and Clifton) which was given to me as a birthday gift by Shal, since I'm reading it right now and it has some interesting insights into how people are wired.

that you've read more than once: Almost all the novels on my bookshelf - various Tom Clancy, Clive Cussler, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, other sci-fi - I like reading a good novel in bed for a while before falling asleep, so I tend to re-read books.

that you'd want on a deserted island: Practical value: some sort of Army Field Manual on wilderness survival. Entertainment value: Probably Lord of the Rings. Spiritual growth: Celebration of Discipline (Foster) or Systematic Theology (Grudem).

that made you laugh: Any of the Calvin and Hobbes compilations by Bill Watterson. Maybe that's cheating...

that made you cry: Don't think I've ever cried reading a book.

that you wish you had written: The Great Divorce (CS Lewis)

that you wish had never been written: Can't think of any.

that you're currently reading: Now Discover Your Strengths (Buckingham/Clifton), The Cardinal of the Kremlin (Clancy)

that you've been meaning to read: The Imitation of Christ, Thomas A Kempis

that you haven't been able to get through no matter how many times you've started it: Currently midway through Imitation of Christ, but I wonder whether I will be able to finish it. Also I've read through the first few novels in Mike P's Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Hitchhiker's Guide, Restaurant at the End of the Universe) but haven't been able to get through the rest yet.

Telling stories...

While perusing through the blogs on my Google Reader and Xanga subscriptions, and lamenting yet again the strange malaise I find myself in with regards to the long gaps in between posts on this blog (when one of my 2007 New Year's resolutions was to post 2 times per week - ha!), I came to a realization:

I am not a very good storyteller.

Looking at the many blogs I am subscribed to (~60+ at last count), they range from blogs of personal friends from high school, college, church, as well as a few working professionals, musicians, and some couple-of-degree-separation people whose writing I simply connect with. Many of my friends are talented storytellers and can imbue the mundane events of their days with spirit, humor, and dramatic tension. Now that the Internet privacy taboo has relaxed some, they will also often use photos to illustrate their lives so that the world can see, but primarily for the benefit of giving their friends and family a continued connection into their lives.

I, on the other hand, have no gift for weaving the events of my life in such a way as to form an interesting story. My recounts of events tend to come out rather bland and lengthy (as many have let me know). Heck, I am also horrid at relating stories in person (as anyone who has tried to pry the story of how Shal and I began dating can attest).

What I find somewhat odd is that I love reading and listening to stories, and I feel like I've read enough to be able to recognize quality... yet frustratingly I can read my own storytelling and deem it boring. It's kind of similar to music - I can analyze the poetry of lyrics in good songwriting, I can listen carefully to each instrument in a mix and ferret out little nuggets of musicianship that inspire awe and a sense of beauty in me... and yet every attempt I make at creating my own song ends up with me giving up half-baked because I can't stand my own banality.

I also do enjoy writing, but rather than storytelling, it may be primarily in the realm of making observations - whether humorous, poignant, tragic, or other. Perhaps I'll just have to develop this style of writing instead.

Weekly musings

This week's links and thoughts...

How to be the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend

Videos of the week, courtesy of Alex. While funny (in a British humor kind of way), there's actually a decent amount of truth in these about the ways men and women are and relate to each other.

VideoJug: How To Be The Perfect Boyfriend

Favorite points: It's important to seem interested no matter how confused you are, because girls value communication above everything... Deodorant is for after the shower, not instead of it.


VideoJug: How To Be The Perfect Girlfriend

Favorite points: Men like grunting, fighting, and measuring things... Men like explaining things.

Radio

While my music tastes have evolved mostly into rock and folk with a strong focus on a "band" sound and strong songwriting, there are occasional times where I just want to listen to some of the amusing, brainless pop/hip-hop/R&B music from back in the '90s during junior high and high school when I first started listening to music. Now that Movin' 99.7 has reformatted itself from an oldies station to "modern" pop/hip-hop/R&B current and classic stuff, I'll occasionally tune in to catch stuff from C&C Music Factory, Diddy, MC Hammer, and classic Madonna and Michael and Janet Jackson. Check it out to be transported back in time.

Look, I'm still young-ish!

Last week I joined Facebook, which, for those not in the know, is a social networking site akin to Friendster, except, well, successful. It's made significant inroads into impacting the modern high school and college culture - being able to leave messages for people, post profiles, and neat features like being able to post photo albums and then tag the photos with your friends' names so they can click on their own name and see the photos where they show up in albums other than their own. I rarely check it, but it's a nice vehicle outside blogger to keep tabs on what's going on with the high schoolers.

Kindred spirit

I've read with some interest the story and politics of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, due to the flood of national media coverage as well as Danny's unabashed fandom. I like a lot of what he has to say, but one thing that is definitely a point in his favor? While other candidates play baseball or football, Obama plays blacktop hoops. The article mentions that one reason he sees the court as a sanctuary of sorts is because the game is a great equalizer - you may be teamed with a powerful Congressman and a blue collar construction worker, but during the game it's all about winning and taking on whoever's got next. The article's description of his game: "Barack Obama is a wily player of pickup basketball, the version of the game with unspoken rules, no referee and lots of elbows. He has been playing since adolescence, on cracked-asphalt playgrounds and at exclusive health clubs, developing a quick offensive style, a left-handed jump shot and relationships that have extended into the political arena."

Just call me Lance Armstrong

Back in college, I used to ride my bike to and from class from my apartment. Despite the numerous hills in Berkeley, as well as cars and pedestrians and a couple of falls, I enjoyed the feeling of being able to whiz to class on the other side of campus within 10 minutes when walking would take closer to 25.

Yesterday, after a gracious bike tuneup by Mike L on Memorial Day, I was able to take my bike onto the light rail with me to work, then riding back the 8+ miles to Mountain View. It felt really good. Some things that came to mind:

- Effective multitasking is always satisfying, especially when you can combine activities that are often mundane (working out + getting home)
- Overpasses are killer on momentum
- When I drive to work and I can see the mountains ringing the valley clearly without much smog, it's particularly satisfying to know that I helped in some small way with that
- My butt feels awfully bony and sore today after ~40 minutes on a hard, uncomfortable seat. I may need to get a nicer cushion and a blinker

Gonna aim to bike home at least once a week. We'll see if I can hold to that.

Wiser?

The older that I get, I figure everyone is dying
They're all dying for a change
I know that I am dying for some action
- Derek Webb, "Dance"

Entering the last year of my twenties, a couple of observations:
- I am now as old as some high school kids thought I was 5 years ago (another account of the same story). Since I was 29 5 years ago, I guess I must be in my mid-30s now.

- The older that I get, the more I'm realizing how much more growing up I still have to do. Our current Sunday School series is going through "Growing up as Asian-Americans", and I'm slowly coming to grips with how much I'm influenced by the cultural mores I've grown up with, and how I'm more strongly motivated by guilt, fear, and remorse rather than the promise of joy, peace, and happiness through God's grace. This will be a theme for me for a while.

- That being said, I'm all the more grateful for little things I've taken for granted in my earlier years - great parents + family, privileges, health, friendships, and everything else. Blessed. Thanks to God for everything.

On beauty

Two good posts recently on the beauty of God's creation and how every person is created to experience it in the very core of our being. Worth reading both of them in their entireties at the links below.

Excerpt from singer-songwriter Shaun Groves:

Here in this frozen sanctuary, mountains for walls, frothy silver clouds for ceiling, I’m stunned by the scope of creation outside the cul-de-sac. I’m happy. Not because of where I am but because being here I’m more aware than usual of everything good and beautiful in the world. Why does nature do that to some of us? Why don’t I make more time to walk in it? Some saint once said that if he looked at creation long enough God looked back.

And this morning He’s talking back too.

Here in all this perfect beauty a man is on the stage making liberal use of words like “imperfect”, “wicked”, “depraved”, and “sinful”. The paradox isn’t lost on me. There’s something, for me, about the collision of beauty and busted that grabs my heart and mind with both hands and demands their attention. The contrast is brutal. But the beauty also works to console and inspire me, to make me long for and realize what God is making of me: beauty.

Excerpt from Maria:

Other experiences that often move me to aesthetic pleasure: listening to a beautiful song, feeling its soul-thrilling melody bring inexplicable delight and joy; reading something well-written, enjoying each well-turned phrase and felicitous expression; seeing beautiful colors in nature (flowers) or man-made (clothing, shoes, purses, art), relishing in the bright hues, the intensity of shade, the suppleness of texture. There's something refreshing and restful about these simple pleasures.

Weekly Musings

Some thoughts from the week...

TV finales

A lackluster season of 24 ended not with a bang, but with a whimper. But at least they've acknowledged that they can't just plug different variables into the same formula and come back with the next season - I fully expect CTU to be retired (Bill tp Nadia: "Jack's not coming back. Let him go"). I'm kinda disappointed because this season started with great promise in the first 4 hours. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, here's a list of what I thought was good about season 6 (spoilers for folks who want to watch on DVD):

Jack in the 1st 4 hours - he seemed to be a broken man after his 2 years of torture. Unfortunately they brought back "the old Jack" far too quickly - it would have been fascinating to see him continue with that vulnerability.
Assad - a unique character that was killed off far too soon. Plus, according to the gf, he was the best-looking guy on the show.
Tom Lennox - great acting, did slimy, principled, and cutthroat all very well.
... and that's about it.

Lost ended much better. It may have re-hooked me into the next few seasons as they finish up the story. Who would win if Sayid had to take on Jack Bauer? God forbid that they ever team up on anything.

The NBA and red meat

My carrot analogy with regard to the Warriors making the playoffs is apparently not a unique one:
From the Sports Guy, when the Celtics missed out on picking up either Oden or Durant in the NBA lottery:

You can't even fathom the pain. Everyone believes Celtics fans get a free pass with this stuff because we won 16 titles in 30 years. Actually, it's the opposite. Long-suffering fans of perennial losers don't know what they're missing. After all, how would they know? You can't miss steak if you've never eaten steak, right? But if you're fortunate enough to follow a perennially successful franchise, then that same franchise starts decomposing right in front of you ... what then?

Annoyance of the week
Eating a stalk of broccoli early in the week, I literally bit off a bit more than I could chew. I had to stretch my mouth so wide to get around the mouthful that when I bit down, I ended up scraping a flap of tissue off my inside cheek that's just kinda been hanging there since. Every so often when I chew on the left side of my mouth, I'll end up gnawing on that little piece of flesh.

Video of the week
Passed along by Shally: "The Machine is Us/ing Us"
About 5 minutes, worth watching all the way through - good, concise commentary on the direction of the Internet (currently aka Web 2.0):



Disturbingly amusing story of the week
Joy's story at our CG free week about her dream where her bf Mike tried to kill her with a knife, and actually stuck her in the leg before being subdued by two other random guys from Canaan. This sparked a conversation about common dreams that we'd had before. Apparently, women in relationships will often dream of their husband/boyfriend cheating on them. Me, I usually end up as a martyr in mine... as I mentioned back in January.

Music of the week
Listened primarily to Stanfurd's acapella group Testimony this week. Love the way they use various vocal sounds to mimic guitars and other instruments. You can hear some song clips here, here, and here.

Christian thought of the week
Started reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers online this week. Good excerpt in 5/21's entry:

When we look at these words of Jesus, we immediately find them to be the most revolutionary that human ears have ever heard. ". . . seek first the kingdom of God . . . ." Even the most spiritually-minded of us argue the exact opposite, saying, "But I must live; I must make a certain amount of money; I must be clothed; I must be fed." The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God but how we are going to take care of ourselves to live. Jesus reversed the order by telling us to get the right relationship with God first, maintaining it as the primary concern of our lives, and never to place our concern on taking care of the other things of life.

NYC Highlights

Couple of quick highlights from my family's trip to Manhattan last weekend, Thursday through Sunday, in no particular order:

Having lunch w/ Drew - fellow Cal Bear, 2000 NYC missions teammate, and Canaan's young adult retreat speaker for this year. Hadn't seen him in a few years, and it was kinda surreal getting together in the city where we had spent so much time ministering with and to each other.

Seeing my first opera ever - it was a good idea to read the wiki entry beforehand because I then had an idea of what the plot was. 'Twas actually kind of dark - adultery, suicide, all set to huge voices and elaborate sets.

Two speeches at the NYU Law graduation
1) A pair of law students gave a joint speech. One was a former member of the Israeli Army, the other was a member of a Lebanonese village that the former's company had attacked. They had both lost friends to the other side, but said that through their education they were able to learn how to respect each other enough to try to find common ground. Very cool.

2) Keynote speech by Newark, NJ mayor Cory Booker, who we thought was an odd choice - no connection with NYU, no name recognition. He ended up weaving an inspiring tale of battling against social injustice in the projects of Newark while he was just a councilman, camping out in protest against crack houses and drug dealers while getting pelted by garbage and feces, and being able to make a difference. He exhorted the soon-to-be powerful and rich lawyer class to stand up for what is right, exuding an Obama-like charisma. Keep an eye out - we may see him more on the national stage depending on where he wants to take his career.

Shake Shack - Home of New York's best burger. In the picture, you can see one of their trademarks: a portabello mushroom, stuffed with cheese, breaded, and deep fried, then placed on top of the burger patty - awesomeness.


The peace and quiet of Fort Tryon Park


The view from the top of Rockefeller Center


Lion King Musical - innovative use of puppets, props, and lights to simulate the animals. Solid entertainment.


Seeing the prayer table at Washington Square Park - reminded me of the missions trip. You'd be surprised how many people are willing to accept free prayer.


One particular almost "Far Side"-ish comic wall at MOMA - some guy basically drew a bunch of "then and now" commentaries on today's world, compared to before, that were clever, funny, and kinda sad at the same time. Some examples:




Symphony at Carnegie Hall, playing Mendelssohn, Elliott Carter, and Mozart's 41st Symphony - spent most of the time listening to the percussionists.



The best highlight of all...
Seeing my little bro get hooded - congrats, buddy. For most of your life I've known you as a student, so it's kinda neat to think of you as a working man - well, after all that "bar" stuff and the subsequent 2-month celebration. [Morpheus voice]Welcome to the real world[/Morpheus voice].