Nine months ago this past Sunday, S and I welcomed our little ball of joy (and frustration, and kookiness) into the world and had our lives turned upside down. Haven't done much musing since 3 months, so here's a list of 9 thoughts on the experience so far (give or take a few memories):
1) They say that with parenting, the days are long and the weeks are short. As I write this, it is hard to believe that we're 3/4 of the way through his first year. Yet, there were seemingly countless occasions when he's crying his head off, it's way too early/late, we have no idea what's wrong, and the seconds were crawling by interminably. To paraphrase Einstein's famous quote, play with a happy baby for an hour and it seems like a minute, hold a wailing baby for a minute and it seems like an hour. That's relativity.
2) In C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, for those who haven't read it, the premise is that of a veteran devil mentoring a novice devil on how to best trip up, lead astray, and ultimately bring misery to his assigned human. It's been a while since I read it so I don't remember if this was one of his pieces of "advice", but it is really easy to be tormented by the comparison demon as a parent. You look at other babies and parents on Facebook or in person, and even though your brain might know that other parents are just putting their best face forward, you almost reflexively compare developmental milestones, eating/sleeping habits, overall health, and inevitably find your own baby (and by proxy your own parenting) lacking in some way. S and I have had to learn how to encourage each other and guard our thought lives when one or the other of us begins spiraling into irrational envy.
3) Speaking of which, I'm so glad that we're in this parenting thing together in a committed marriage. The tough times can be so tough that it wears away at your reserves of good nature and grace, which makes it a lot easier to succumb to bickering and fights with each other over even minor things. We're gradually learning how and when to bring up issues (best not to do after D has been screaming all day) and how to ask and grant forgiveness.
Tim Keller likes to explain the stresses of marriage by using the analogy of a train going over a suspension bridge - the weight of the train reveals any cracks or structural weaknesses in the bridge. Similarly, getting married and living together reveals the cracks and structural weaknesses in our relationship. If that's the case, having a baby is like a train going over that bridge while being bombarded with a rockslide and lava from a nearby erupting volcano. For couples who don't have kids yet - dealing with as many issues as you can before having kids is a wise thing to do.
4) S went away for a weekend with friends at the end of February, so I had D to myself that weekend. It wasn't too difficult because my parents live nearby and love spending time with him, so I mostly had to handle him nights and mornings. It did get me thinking, though.
Much respect to the many, many single parents out there who are doing the best they can on their own, because they love their children. There aren't too many single parents in my social circles, but from stories I've read - for example athletes who grew up poor - many (most?) of them grew up with just 1 parent in the home who sacrificed a lot to make ends meet. The lucky ones might have a grandparent in the home too.
Given that, it's easy to see how difficult it would be to help your children escape the cycle of poverty from poor, single parent households. If the parent is out working odd jobs to put food on the table, it probably wouldn't take much for the kid to get involved with the wrong crowd or the wrong scene.
I like to ask D, semi-jokingly but mostly seriously, whether he appreciates how fortunate he is to have both a mom and dad at home. Again, much respect to the moms or dads who are doing it on their own.
5) They say babies love music. Babies love repetition. Therefore, many of his toys repetitively play baby music that is just catchy enough to get stuck in your head the rest of the day, and just juvenile enough to drive me crazy. For those of you who tend to get music stuck in your head - hope you'll like singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" all day without even knowing it.
This is getting long, so I'll break the second half up into its own post.
No comments:
Post a Comment