Abundance and Generosity

Every year in the midst of the holiday season, there's some store (CostPlus World Mart?) that sells a gigantic tub of delectable white cheddar cheese balls known as "Snowballs."  There's more than enough for almost anyone to get sick of.

One year while living at the Kittoe House, we got one, and ended up grazing on it for several weeks on an almost nightly basis.  We offered it to every visitor that came by, until we were so sick of it that we felt some relief when we finished it.  A few months ago at a friends' party, there was another tub.  It was like Jesus and the disciples passing out food at the 5K feeding - it seemed bottomless.

I remember thinking that we were trying to be so generous when offering it to guests - "Here, take some!  These are awesome!" - and it was easy and fun to be generous.  Why?  Because there seemed to be an overabundance of these little balls, which probably didn't actually cost very much to make, and the tub didn't cost that much either. A few dollars and bottomless generosity can be yours!

Why is it so hard for me to have that kind of generosity in other aspects of life?  Why can't I take joyful delight in sharing?

Why am I tightfisted with money, with my time for others, with God's love, with the amount of personal interest or social capital I could invest in people's lives?

"Here, take some / try this / come with me!  This will be awesome!"

Instead,  I avoid people's eyes, try not to volunteer, and grumble under my breath all too often when I end up doing something I don't want to do.

I suspect the reason is that by default, I live with a scarcity, zero sum mentality.  Money that I give away is not shared, it's gone and added to someone else.  Time is harder to come by as I get older.  It's tiring to joyfully take interest in a new person and try to develop them into a new friend.

I'd like to be joyfully generous.

To get there, I think I have some things to learn about living in the tension between my limited human frailties and weaknesses that need to be protected and accounted for with boundaries, and the limitless, overabundant love, mercies, and grace of Jesus that are renewed every morning - but only if I remember.