Proposal Story - Bob's side

Cliff's Notes Version
A summary for those in a rush or who have little patience for my periodic bouts of long-windedness (this means you, EricH ;-)). Skip down to the pics afterward.

On Wednesday, June 25, 2008, I took the day off work and got some help from Shally's sister to surprise Shally. I picked her up (she was definitely surprised to see me on a weekday afternoon), put a blindfold on her, and then drove up to Golden Gate Park, where we got engaged!

After spending some time in worship, prayer, and revisiting milestones and memories from our nearly-2-years of dating, we drove back to South Bay and had a celebratory dinner at La Fondue in Saratoga. We're currently aiming to have the wedding in January or February 2009, but that is subject to change as we begin planning.

Full Version
How did I decide on my plan?

I knew that I wanted to propose in a place that was local enough that we would be able to visit regularly in the upcoming years to come (an idea borrowed from Brian and Sherry's engagement story). So that ruled out doing something like proposing on our recent vacation to Taiwan. So, for all my friends who were laying down bets that we would come back from Taiwan engaged, that's the reason why... well, on top of the fact that I wasn't ready in May. However, I did talk to her parents and ask their permission during our time there, so it wasn't entirely devoid of engagement-related activity.

After a few weeks of working on another idea for a local spot (that I won't share here because it's now in the drawer of "potential future special occasion ideas"), I was casting about for another option. Inspiration struck while I was reading through some of the memories of our relationship in my journal - in summer of 2007, after her grad school semester had finished, we had taken a day trip to SF where we visited the Cartoon Art Museum and spent a relaxing afternoon reading books and talking together next to Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park. That was one of my fonder memories of 2007, so after doing some scouting I was able to identify the same secluded spot. So, the location was set.

I knew that I wanted it to be a surprise. This would be something of a challenge to pull off, however, since we had previously discussed engagement and so she had some inkling that I was planning something coming up soon. I was able to get around that by enlisting the help of her sister, who had a cute baby late last year and frequently invited Shal over to play with her niece. I asked her sister to schedule a playdate with Shal for a weekday afternoon, ensuring that she wouldn't be running errands or something when I went to go pick her up, and filed to take the day off.

After waking up early on the big day and spending some time with God to calm an anxious heart and nerves, I gathered all the details together. Ipod with her favorite songs on a playlist for the drive. Guitar and music. A timeline of significant events/dates/conversations from the nearly-two years of our relationship. A light picnic lunch. Change of clothes. Camera and tripod. A reed mat to sit on. Jackets/blankets for the chill of SF.

Roses - incidentally, this was the first time I ever gave her red roses - past gifts were other colors. Just one of those things that I wanted to save for engagement.

Obviously, can't forget the ring. If you look at the picture on her blog, you'll see that it's non-traditional. This is a promise ring, with a more traditional-looking one coming later.

After getting the call from her sister that Shally had arrived, I parked my car well away from the window and snuck up to the door. I had arranged with her sister to have her ask Shally to answer the doorbell, expecting a package. When she opened the door, the effort into planning the surprise was worth it - her eyes widened as she straightened up in shock, she mumbled a few unintelligble syllables, and she stumbled backwards while her hands flailed slightly in front of her as comprehension slowly dawned on her face. I figure this is one of those moments in life you don't really forget.

To keep the surprise going, I put a blindfold on her and led her out to the car (after she spent some time playfully berating her sister for being in on it), where we drove up to the City while I deflected questions about where we were going. She even suggested that this might all be an elaborate decoy so that the real proposal would be a real surprise.

Arriving at the park, I left her in the car while I went to set up the mat and other items. Fortunately, the park is relatively empty on weekday afternoons, and we were able to enjoy some privacy. Taking off the blindfold, I presented her with the roses, said a few words (fewer than I had rehearsed earlier in my mind, as my brain went into lockdown mode seeing everything come to fruition), and asked her to marry me. Lucky for me, she said yes. And to answer one of the common questions I've been getting, she didn't shed tears when I asked.

We spent some sweet time in musical worship next to the lake - just my guitar and our two voices, singing songs of God's greatness, our wonder at his desire to have a relationship with us, and our desire to serve him as a couple. It occured to me - having served as a worship leader for most of this decade, one of the things I've learned/observed has been that as much as I might strive to lead a congregation into the experience and presence of God in a life-changing way through music, ultimately my efforts only had so much influence on whether people would in fact open themselves up to God. I realized that day that I would be taking on a new role and a higher level of responsibility as the worship leader in my family - that God charges me to identify how best to lead, encourage, support, rebuke, and love my wife and (hopefully) children in such a way that they would be able to love God and be loved by him. Kinda scary, but kinda cool at the same time.

We spent some time in prayer - sharing our joy with God, our thankfulness that he brought us together and grew us through tough times and good times, our fears and dreams for the future. Shally did shed some tears during this segment.

Affter some more time at the lake, we reluctantly packed up and made our way back to South Bay to change and go to the celebratory dinner at La Fondue - a first-time visit for both of us (at least for dinner). Very nice ambiance, and for future reference, buffalo meat is really tasty. After dinner, we visited my folks, her sister/bro-in-law, and then retired for the evening, resolving to begin notifying other friends and family the next day.

I have a fiancee. Wow!

In the week since, and particularly in the first few days after, even in the midst of some extreme busyness at work, I periodically found myself suddenly smiling at the thought of being able to build a life together with this wonderful, Godly woman. Tim Keller, in his sermon series on marriage, uses the analogy that a dating/marriage relationship is kind of like a semi truck or heavy train going over a bridge - the weight of the relationship reveals the cracks in the foundation of the bridge, but also serves as a test for the built-in strength. Before we began our relationship, it was much easier to be willfully ignorant of the cracks in my character that I wasn't allowing God the space to patch. It was also easier to have a hardened heart and to present a stoic facade to the world, without dealing with unprocessed emotions. I've learned that the great battle I'll have to face in myself, probably for the rest of my life, is against apathy/inaction/loafing - I've hurt more people through my lack of action than with my action. In the relationship, I've grown to have a greater appreciation for the Gospel cycle or the drama of salvation, seeing it not just in the pages of the Bible, but seeing it lived out in our lives - times of peace/harmony/fun, interrupted by sin and offense, dealing with estrangement, reaching out for redemption and reconciliation, and restoring peace. I'm delighted to look forward to marriage with someone who knows how best to support me when I'm frustrated or under stress, who helps challenge me with her dream to honor God and bless people through our service and possessions, and who is simply a lot of fun to be around. I'm fascinated by the glimpses God has given me of the person he is making Shally to be, and I want to help bring that about.

Pictures

The spot next to the lake where we got engaged:



Roses and the ring:



My future bride and me:



Check out her blog for details on the big day from her perspective!