2 months!

Wow! Time has flown since the last time I updated this thing.

A list of things that have happened in the last two months (I'll try elaborating on some of these in later posts)

• summer retreat
• USA basketball gold medal win in the Olympics
• Andrew/Andrea got married (and I acted in a live-action Korean drama)
• I moved out of Kittoe and back in with my folks for a few months prior to the wedding
• Castle Crashers became the video game of choice for a month
• began a fantasy football season where I've gotten super lucky so far
• went through a re-org at work, my job role has changed to be a bit more customer-facing
• had a nice dinner at Chez TJ w/ Shally
• began selecting leaders for Canaan next year
  

In terms of wedding planning:

• had to book a new sanctuary site
• booked the honeymoon
  
• selected slideshow pictures
• set up gift registries - a surprisingly enjoyable experience (zap! zap! zap!)
  
• ordered invitations
• reserved tuxes
• began premarital counseling

More later.

Great America

Looks like my daily blogging for August was more than a little ambitious... I'm now aiming for 15 posts for the month, or 1 every other day. Still a little behind... gotta get caught up!

On Wednesday, I got to experience a blast of nostalgia as my group at work went to Great America for a fun day. Some observations/memories:

• Tickets are $54 at the gate. Holy moly.
• It's probably a combination of being a weekday and the ticket price tag, but there aren't really any lines anywhere. I remember back in my elementary/jr high/high school days, you'd be able to get one ride on the popular coasters (Top Gun and Vortex) your entire day because the wait in line would be around an hour. On this day we walked right into the car, and some people just stayed in the coaster since no one was waiting in line.
• Speaking of which, I don't know when it happened, but GA is no longer "Paramount's Great America." Now it's just "California's Great America." I guess it lost corporate sponsorship? The most obvious impact of this in the park is seeing that Top Gun no longer exists - it's simply called "Flight Deck." None of the iconic music, no video clips... so sad.
• Rides ridden: Top Gu- I mean, "Flight Deck," Vortex, Demon, Grizzly, Whitewater Rapids. I think I used to enjoy roller coasters more than I do now. Plus, I lost my hat on Whitewater... doh.
• Neat part of the day: the company paid for an hour of free carnival games in about 9 booths next to the Drop Zone. For an hour there were around 200 engineers milling around trying their hand at shooting mini-basketballs through even mini-er hoops, throwing pitches against a radar gun, squirting water to fill up balloons, and winning prizes up the wazoo. I was able to pick up a stuffed Scooby-Doo for Shally by flinging a 63 mph "fastball" that was the fastest in my heat. The high speed for the day was 66 mph according to the game operator.
• That got me thinking - I feel like I'm in roughly average physical condition. I threw that ball just about as hard as I could, getting my whole body into it. I threw 2 pitches the whole day and felt it the rest of the day. Now, 63 mph is considered an extremely slow pitch in baseball. Maybe if I had some training and technique, I could get up to 70 mph by utilizing more leg drive. But all the same, just how ridiculously strong/genetically gifted do you have to be to throw 90+ on a regular basis, up to 100 times? How much of a toll does that take on your body?
• Fond childhood memory: coming to Great America for the 6th grade graduation field trip... and spending almost all day playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in one of the arcades with a few buddies. That's right, we paid money to get into the park... so we could put more money into video games. I was Raphael. I died a lot because his special move was to keep rolling into people.
• Remember when high school physics classes would have field trips to Great America to do physics studies in real life? Why can't all classes do that?
  

"Peace"

One of the reasons why these Olympics in particular are so fascinating is because of the diplomatic tensions that exist when two nation-states meet in sports competition (often used as an analogy for war) while their respective governments and armies may in fact be engaged in actual war. How can athletes from the former Soviet republic of Georgia compete against opponents from Russia while knowing of the invasion? What is going on in the minds of Israelis, Palestinians, Iraqis, Iranians, and Americans when they stare each other down across a swimming pool, ball field, or track? Will any big names come out in the press against the nations that are not doing anything about the genocide in Darfur?

A quote from the above article:

The Beijing Olympics have morphed into the anxiety games. Beneath the veneer of architectural miracles and omnipresent smiles and the "one world, one dream" slogan, there is unease, exacerbated by a secretive Communist regime that rations information. No info, no closure. There are 100,000 Chinese security troops patrolling Beijing, all standing as still as scarecrows, many with the young, porcelain faces of toy soldiers. They are stationed on every street corner, ubiquitous under newly planted trees that line the sidewalks. They are numerically impressive but not especially comforting.

I think this further illustrates the difference between what the world defines as peace, and what the God of the Bible defines as peace.

The former declares that peace exists as long as no shots are being fired. The absence of conflict. We smile awkwardly at each other, dampening down anxiety repeatedly while little glimpses of the resentment and uneasiness simmering underneath will peek through during times of stress. This happens in sports, it happens in workplaces, in marriages, in churches.

God desires peace to be so much more than the absence of conflict, but rather the presence of justice, wholeness, and acceptance. "Blessed are the peacemakers" - peace is something that needs to be worked at, not just achieved by having no conflict.

As a person who is non-confrontational by nature, it's often easy for me to settle for the first kind of peace - as long as there's no conflict, between Shally and myself, in church, in leadership, at work, at home, then things are "cool." However, I've been learning that it's not enough to just avoid confrontation - I need to actively work for wholeness, with heavy doses of grace, in order to bring all of my relationships into the kind of peace God has his heart set on for his people.

Thoughts on the Olympic Opening Ceremony

Observations, bullet-style:

• The sheer number of people involved powering all of the spectacles in the "history of China" is awe-inspiring. Who needs fancy technology when you can train people to supply your power?
• It's kind of neat to be reminded of the scope of China's ancient history and all the contributions to the world in the areas of culture, technology, etc.
  
• There are a lot of countries that I don't even recognize in the parade...
• "Chinese Taipei"?
• Yao walking in with the little boy who not only survived the Szechuan earthquake but saved the lives of a few of his classmates... that's a heartwarming story. If an athlete can be a significant public figure to drive change or be a symbol in a nation (like Muhammad Ali in the US), I think Yao is a good candidate for China.
• These fireworks probably aren't going to help the air quality...
• That was a pretty inventive torch lighting. Although, the whole way I was thinking for the guy, "Don't drop the torch... don't drop the torch..."

On asking for help

I've helped out at a lot of people's weddings.

Off the top of my head, I've been a best man, groomsman, special music, worship leader, sound tech, audio/visual setup, head usher, regular usher, candlelighter, gift mover, stagehand, getaway car driver, and slideshow narrator. Granted, I've never had to coordinate anything (that seems to be a female dominated role), but I basically know my way around the ins and outs.

My parents joke that for my wedding, I have a lot of favors to call in... but now that we're in the midst of trying to think of helpers, there's that familiar feeling of "bu yao ma fan" that comes up. During planning I joked that I could turn around on stage, pick up a guitar and lead worship... and I think I was only half joking.

I think I like to help out people I care about. I'm still learning how to ask for help from those same people.

China in the Olympics

The upcoming Olympic games hosted by China will give the rest of the world perhaps its first "in-depth" look into life there. It'll be interesting to see whether the unseemlier parts of China will get brought to the fore in the international media, like the smog (check out the pics here and here).

Yes, it would look really bad if athletes wear masks to compete outside, and some teams have apparently contemplated doing so over the objections from Chinese officials... but at some point a person's health takes priority over losing face, right? Maybe not in a nation that doesn't put a high value on individual human rights.

Apparently China also hasn't done well at following through on its promises that won them the Games in the first place - rather than cleaning things up from the root level, they've instead spent money on gorgeous new sporting facilities and giving behavior booklets to the locals.

I'm wondering whether China will attempt to censor any type of unflattering news that gets broadcast out of the country, and whether the worldwide media will comply. Should be a fascinating month.

Pre-Olympics Team USA thoughts

Aside: In case you didn't notice, dear reader, that my August output for posts is already an infinite multiple more than July with 0, I am trying an exercise for this month where I try to post once per day, or at least one post for each day. So, I should have at least 31 posts by the end of August. I can't promise that every, or any, will be that entertaining

Couple of short thoughts from watching Team USA take on a few other countries in exhibition games:

• Deron Williams may be the most effective player out there. He seems to make the right pass, right cut, right drive to the hoop, right decision nearly every possession - plus he is physically capable of going anywhere he wants to on the floor.
• While Chris Paul impressed me greatly in the NBA playoffs, he hasn't been able to do much in international play because he is getting bumped a lot more (refs are allowing more contact)
• The team already has problems rebounding - several teams, in and of themselves not that talented, have been able to get several extra possessions simply by stationing 2-3 big men in the paint and batting the ball up in the air. Leaving Tyson Chandler behind in favor of Boozer may end up biting the team in the butt.
• LeBron and Carmelo are not able to defend the PF position - not that they are that much smaller or less physically imposing than the guys they guard, but they're not smart enough to know when to reach, when to body up, and most problematically, when to slide over to provide help defense when a guard gets beat off the dribble.
• Given the short three-point line, it is imperative that the guards put in extra effort to prevent penetration because a kick-out results in a mid-range jumper for 3.
• What's with the weird pattern on the back of the jerseys?
• The coaching staff has clearly put the team through some drills on breaking the zone defense - sliding a forward to the free throw line in the middle of the zone, and having a big man lurking on the baseline for a dumpoff pass.
• Michael Redd is still the only deadeye shooter. Here's hoping 2-3 other guys will get hot each game.
• AK47 is a lot more versatile/crafty/aggressive when he's leading the Russia team than when he's playing 3rd/4th banana to Deron, Boozer, and Okur.
• So begins Lebron's quest to be the first basketball billionaire - by taking over China.

Other Olympics thoughts...
Did anyone see the news item a few weeks ago that China was trying to restrict the Olympic teams from bringing their own food items in order to stimulate traffic to local restaurants? Can you imagine being a world-class athlete deprived of your Gatorade and Powerbars in exchange for local food that might give you the runs?
Also, Bill sent me a link to an amusing article about how China has been legislating behavior and hygiene "improvements" for local residents - things like learning how to stand in line, no public spitting, no bare chests or rolling up pant legs, all for the purpose of presenting the best public image to the world.

On hope management

I read an article on leadership a while ago on Christianity Today where the writer, John Ortberg from Menlo Park Pres, makes the argument that while leaders need to do many things involving their followers in the process of leading - identifying gifts, putting people into positions to succeed, delegating their weaknesses - it is necessary that the leader never delegate optimism and hope. Leaders need to be experts in "Hope Management."

He writes this about former President Franklin Roosevelt, who was apparently a man with a "second-rate intelligence but had a first-rate temperament":

In the middle of a Great Depression, or World War II, or a capital campaign, or a staff crisis, people inevitably wonder: "Can we get through this? Is it worth all the effort and confusion? Can we really overcome this challenge?" They inevitably look to the person at the core; the man or woman leading the charge, the one who sees the big picture. When people see a leader with this kind of vital optimism, who radiates a sense that together we can do what needs to be done, then people tend to decide not to waste their energy wondering about "if" but focus their energy going after "how."

On the other hand, when Eeyore is at the helm, the whole ship is in trouble. Eeyore may be the most intelligent, gifted, attractive, educated, credentialed person in the room. But if he or she is easily deflated, sensitive to defeat and criticism, and de-motivated by setbacks, the whole community begins the long slow spiral downward.

He then mentions how his journals as a leader tend to be full of chronicles of failure - not confessions of shortcomings, but vague discouragements that don't allow him to feel forgiveness or grace from God and in fact would cause him to spiral deeper into discouragement. As he put it, instead of "encouraging himself in the Lord" like King David writes about in the Scriptures, he was "discouraging himself in the Lord."

This hits me deeply because I have been, through choice or necessity, been trying to take on greater leadership roles in several areas of my life. The challenge for me is that I've evolved to a point where I am generally optimistic and encouraging with other people, but generally negative and pessimistic about myself. In other words, I think or act like others are awesome ("You/we can do it!") perhaps more than is warranted, in the hope that they can exceed their capability; yet I will consciously or unconsciously degrade myself ("Bob, you failed before, and you're going to fail again, why not give up?").

I'm finding now how important it is to have, and to be, leaders who are not just competent, trustworthy, and possessing integrity, but if there is no hope, no belief that a goal can be accomplished, then every follower's spirit will be broken. I've seen this positively and negatively reinforced in my workplace, in church, and in my relationship - as a follower in some cases and as a leader in others. Even though it is sometimes exhausting to try and cling to an existing hope, or generate a new hope, I'm hoping that God will be able to supersede my natural cynicism to believe in spite of myself.

The end of one era

About 3 years ago, after living at home for nearly 5 years, I moved out to Mountain View with Chris and Hanlin in the "Kittoe House." It's been a blast... living with two Godly guys, being centrally located for small group and social events, cutting my commute in half, late night video games, potlucks, birthdays, barbeques, gearing up for hoops, date nights, movie nights, NBA games (including the Warriors playoff run), TV shows ranging from Lost to Iron Chef, conversations galore, and a million more memories.

As I get ready to move on to the next stage of my life with Shally in January, I've decided to move back to my parents' home at the end of August to spend some time with my current family before I begin my own. At some point I'll also need to begin finding a place for Shally and me to live as well. There are a good number of logistics to work out this month, but more than that, as a nostalgic person by nature, I'm still coming to terms with the end of this stage of my life. It's been a great 3 years with 2 great roommates - I believe we've been able to bless each other and bless others, which was our stated goal when we moved in together. I don't know who will be taking my place, especially considering Hanlin's own impending move-out, but I hope that the spirit of the Kittoe House tradition will live on somehow.

Proposal Story - Bob's side

Cliff's Notes Version
A summary for those in a rush or who have little patience for my periodic bouts of long-windedness (this means you, EricH ;-)). Skip down to the pics afterward.

On Wednesday, June 25, 2008, I took the day off work and got some help from Shally's sister to surprise Shally. I picked her up (she was definitely surprised to see me on a weekday afternoon), put a blindfold on her, and then drove up to Golden Gate Park, where we got engaged!

After spending some time in worship, prayer, and revisiting milestones and memories from our nearly-2-years of dating, we drove back to South Bay and had a celebratory dinner at La Fondue in Saratoga. We're currently aiming to have the wedding in January or February 2009, but that is subject to change as we begin planning.

Full Version
How did I decide on my plan?

I knew that I wanted to propose in a place that was local enough that we would be able to visit regularly in the upcoming years to come (an idea borrowed from Brian and Sherry's engagement story). So that ruled out doing something like proposing on our recent vacation to Taiwan. So, for all my friends who were laying down bets that we would come back from Taiwan engaged, that's the reason why... well, on top of the fact that I wasn't ready in May. However, I did talk to her parents and ask their permission during our time there, so it wasn't entirely devoid of engagement-related activity.

After a few weeks of working on another idea for a local spot (that I won't share here because it's now in the drawer of "potential future special occasion ideas"), I was casting about for another option. Inspiration struck while I was reading through some of the memories of our relationship in my journal - in summer of 2007, after her grad school semester had finished, we had taken a day trip to SF where we visited the Cartoon Art Museum and spent a relaxing afternoon reading books and talking together next to Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park. That was one of my fonder memories of 2007, so after doing some scouting I was able to identify the same secluded spot. So, the location was set.

I knew that I wanted it to be a surprise. This would be something of a challenge to pull off, however, since we had previously discussed engagement and so she had some inkling that I was planning something coming up soon. I was able to get around that by enlisting the help of her sister, who had a cute baby late last year and frequently invited Shal over to play with her niece. I asked her sister to schedule a playdate with Shal for a weekday afternoon, ensuring that she wouldn't be running errands or something when I went to go pick her up, and filed to take the day off.

After waking up early on the big day and spending some time with God to calm an anxious heart and nerves, I gathered all the details together. Ipod with her favorite songs on a playlist for the drive. Guitar and music. A timeline of significant events/dates/conversations from the nearly-two years of our relationship. A light picnic lunch. Change of clothes. Camera and tripod. A reed mat to sit on. Jackets/blankets for the chill of SF.

Roses - incidentally, this was the first time I ever gave her red roses - past gifts were other colors. Just one of those things that I wanted to save for engagement.

Obviously, can't forget the ring. If you look at the picture on her blog, you'll see that it's non-traditional. This is a promise ring, with a more traditional-looking one coming later.

After getting the call from her sister that Shally had arrived, I parked my car well away from the window and snuck up to the door. I had arranged with her sister to have her ask Shally to answer the doorbell, expecting a package. When she opened the door, the effort into planning the surprise was worth it - her eyes widened as she straightened up in shock, she mumbled a few unintelligble syllables, and she stumbled backwards while her hands flailed slightly in front of her as comprehension slowly dawned on her face. I figure this is one of those moments in life you don't really forget.

To keep the surprise going, I put a blindfold on her and led her out to the car (after she spent some time playfully berating her sister for being in on it), where we drove up to the City while I deflected questions about where we were going. She even suggested that this might all be an elaborate decoy so that the real proposal would be a real surprise.

Arriving at the park, I left her in the car while I went to set up the mat and other items. Fortunately, the park is relatively empty on weekday afternoons, and we were able to enjoy some privacy. Taking off the blindfold, I presented her with the roses, said a few words (fewer than I had rehearsed earlier in my mind, as my brain went into lockdown mode seeing everything come to fruition), and asked her to marry me. Lucky for me, she said yes. And to answer one of the common questions I've been getting, she didn't shed tears when I asked.

We spent some sweet time in musical worship next to the lake - just my guitar and our two voices, singing songs of God's greatness, our wonder at his desire to have a relationship with us, and our desire to serve him as a couple. It occured to me - having served as a worship leader for most of this decade, one of the things I've learned/observed has been that as much as I might strive to lead a congregation into the experience and presence of God in a life-changing way through music, ultimately my efforts only had so much influence on whether people would in fact open themselves up to God. I realized that day that I would be taking on a new role and a higher level of responsibility as the worship leader in my family - that God charges me to identify how best to lead, encourage, support, rebuke, and love my wife and (hopefully) children in such a way that they would be able to love God and be loved by him. Kinda scary, but kinda cool at the same time.

We spent some time in prayer - sharing our joy with God, our thankfulness that he brought us together and grew us through tough times and good times, our fears and dreams for the future. Shally did shed some tears during this segment.

Affter some more time at the lake, we reluctantly packed up and made our way back to South Bay to change and go to the celebratory dinner at La Fondue - a first-time visit for both of us (at least for dinner). Very nice ambiance, and for future reference, buffalo meat is really tasty. After dinner, we visited my folks, her sister/bro-in-law, and then retired for the evening, resolving to begin notifying other friends and family the next day.

I have a fiancee. Wow!

In the week since, and particularly in the first few days after, even in the midst of some extreme busyness at work, I periodically found myself suddenly smiling at the thought of being able to build a life together with this wonderful, Godly woman. Tim Keller, in his sermon series on marriage, uses the analogy that a dating/marriage relationship is kind of like a semi truck or heavy train going over a bridge - the weight of the relationship reveals the cracks in the foundation of the bridge, but also serves as a test for the built-in strength. Before we began our relationship, it was much easier to be willfully ignorant of the cracks in my character that I wasn't allowing God the space to patch. It was also easier to have a hardened heart and to present a stoic facade to the world, without dealing with unprocessed emotions. I've learned that the great battle I'll have to face in myself, probably for the rest of my life, is against apathy/inaction/loafing - I've hurt more people through my lack of action than with my action. In the relationship, I've grown to have a greater appreciation for the Gospel cycle or the drama of salvation, seeing it not just in the pages of the Bible, but seeing it lived out in our lives - times of peace/harmony/fun, interrupted by sin and offense, dealing with estrangement, reaching out for redemption and reconciliation, and restoring peace. I'm delighted to look forward to marriage with someone who knows how best to support me when I'm frustrated or under stress, who helps challenge me with her dream to honor God and bless people through our service and possessions, and who is simply a lot of fun to be around. I'm fascinated by the glimpses God has given me of the person he is making Shally to be, and I want to help bring that about.

Pictures

The spot next to the lake where we got engaged:



Roses and the ring:



My future bride and me:



Check out her blog for details on the big day from her perspective!